#and rehashing most of the same points as in the previous answer :')

[dresshistorynerd]

Borderline begging you to not erase the gender non conformity of historical women by applying contemporary lenses of gender roles to them. Gender non conforming women existed then and still exist now. Wearing “men’s clothing” does not make me less of a woman and it’s incredibly insulting to see people in 2024 call women “they” and “he” because they wrote extensively about the misogyny they faced on a daily basis and chose to address and protect against by disguising their female form. Clothing does not a gender make—social roles do. Let’s respect historical women by referring to them correctly—not assuming what they would like to be called these days when we have long since dismissed European invert theory.

I'm assuming you are referring to that historical binder post and specifically this part:

Westner was also buried in men's clothing by their own request.

Firstly, I didn't call Ella Westner "he", not sure why you are implying that. I haven't read much about Westner, but I did try to look quickly if we have any record or second hand information of them talking or writing about their gender. I didn't find it, so I don't know what would be the correct way to refer to them. I referred to them with "them" since that is the pronoun in English language when you don't know someone's gender. By all means if you have any evidence to share how they liked to be referred, do share.

This is for all intents and purposes the same ask I got after my Julie d'Aubigny post so I'm going to link my response here (and the answer to the follow up ask) instead of rehashing the same points all over again. But I will rehash couple of main points since it seems they bear repeating. Firstly, I'm not talking about you, you are not Elle Westner and you have just as little access to her mind as I do. I don't have to assume your gender, you said you're a woman, and certainly I believe nothing you do makes you less of a woman. But I can't ask Elle Westner can I? For most historical people, I think it's fair to assume their gender to be the one assigned to them, but if there is evidence that might suggest otherwise, we should not assume. Of course we should neither assume it's not their assigned gender, it's entirely possible it is, but the possibility should not be discarded that their gender is different.

It's a little silly tbh to say I'm erasing gender non-comforming historical women, when literally in the same paragraph I mention how it was quite common for queer *women* to dress in masculine clothing. This is literally what I wrote:

Queer women and trans masc people, who dressed in masculine clothing, (which was pretty common) also sometimes bound their chests, but unsurprisingly that was not exactly celebrated like drag performances were, so there weren't binders made for queer people specifically.

(I admit I didn't mention the "mannish" feminists, who dressed masculinely, but they rarely bound their chests, and like many of them were queer also.)

What I will not do (even if you borderline beg) is to erase trans masc and non-binary people from history. Assuming all historical queer and gnc people were their assigned gender without extensive evidence to the contrary (for some people no amount of evidence is ever enough) effectively erases all trans and non-binary people from history, since the way gender was talked about, understood and allowed to express, was often so different from our current understanding and usually erased from historical evidence. That is in fact imposing our understanding of gender to historical people. Yes some women did cross-dress in order to escape misogyny, but that's certainly not the only reason people cross-dressed. Especially since many of them, those who couldn't or didn't try to pass, faced even more misogyny for cross-dressing, but they did it anyway because they had other reasons to cross-dress. The reason why cross-dressing can be evidence of queer gender identity (though of course as said, there are other possible reasons) especially in 19th century, is because in their culture the understanding of gender was heavily tied to gender expression. Even today, when gender and gender expression are seem much more as separate things, if you see a person who looks like a woman, but is dressed in men's clothing, you shouldn't immediately dismiss the possibility that they might not be a woman. Yes, they might be a woman who for one reason or another likes to dress in masculine clothing, or they might not be.

You say I shouldn't "apply contemporary lenses of gender roles" to historical queer people, but also that I should in this historical context dismiss sexual inversion theory, which was specifically a Victorian lens (shrouded in scientific essentialist terms) to look at queerness. Sexual inversion theory is not biologically true of course, like it was proposed, but really none of our sexuality and gender categories are. Because while there probably is some biological explanations for our feelings of attraction and towards our bodies (which we haven't really found yet), how we built gender and sexuality categories around those feelings is entirely cultural. So while sexual inversion theory is not relevant today, it is still relevant to understand the historical context, since it was an attempt to explain scientifically their cultural construction of gender and sexuality. And of course the flaw with all these cultural categories is that they can not contain and represent the whole breath of human feelings, and will always leave people out in their explanations, which is obviously true with sexual inversion theory (but also for example our identity based model). But the societal understanding of these things also shape how we understand and frame our own feelings.

So briefly, in 19th century queer identities were emerging (not seen as just behavior anymore) and first queer communities were formed. In the texts of Victorian queer writers the understanding of sexuality, expression and gender are all very fluid. Edward Carpenter (a Victorian gay communist) notably wrote about "the intermediate sex" and "transitional men and women" which he understood as a sort of third gender category. Basically his understanding of queerness was conceptually similar to sexual inversion theory, but he came from a non-medicalizing and queer liberation angle (though like his writings were not entirely free of internalized queerphobia but still very revolutionary for his time). He wrote about this third gender category as a sort of spectrum that goes from feminine men interested in men, and masculine women interested in women, to cross-dressing people and people living as opposite gender. Today we might see these ends of the spectrum as more or less gnc gay men and women and trans men and women, which to him were more or less extreme expressions of the same phenomena. This also aligns with broader Victorian understanding of gender and sexuality, as gnc queer people were generally seen as a separate gender category, often, especially in case of queer men and trans fems, called fairies. As said, certainly not all Victorian queer people would have agreed or felt represented by these ideas, but this does give us some understanding how at least some of the queer and gnc people might have understood their gender.

Maybe I will need to make a full post about how I think gender should be handled and studied in history, so I can just link it to when I inevitably get yet another one of these.

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Cimson Blood

Chapter 41: Revenge

Summary: A surprise trip to America has things turning in a direction no one thought they would

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Word Count: 6,390

Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, a/b/o, alternate universe, dead dove: do not eat, graphic violence, torture, on screen death, stabbing, knives, choking, punching, blood, aftermath of death, emotions, angst, trauma, very small hint of comfort

A/N: Please, please heed the warnings. This chapter deals with some heavy topics and rehashes a lot of Chapter 34. I've put a trigger warning before everything starts and if you don't want to read it then skip from there to the next section. You'll be able to put two and two together from there.

Also if you haven't seen, I went back and changed a pretty major plot point from chapter 34 onward and it will need to be read to really understand this chapter

MASTERLIST | <- Previous | Next ->

“You’re in charge.” John says, passing over the keys to Dr. Keller. “Hold down the fort. Take some time for yourself.” 

“Invite over Ashley.” Kyle winks as he passes. 

“Cute.” Dr. Keller says, rolling her eyes. 

“Call if anything happens.” John continues, ignoring Kyle’s remark. “You know how to get a hold of us.” 

“I do.” Dr. Keller nods. “I’ll make sure the cottage is still standing when you get back.” She glances at the car. “Take care of her.” 

“We will. We’ll make sure she’s still in one piece when we get back.” 

“You better.” Dr. Keller says, giving him a look. “Safe travels.” 

Kyle closes the car door, cutting off the rest of the conversation. You’re squeezed in the back of the car between him and Johnny. It is a tight squeeze between the two of them and their broad shoulders. It’s not the most comfortable position, but the decision to leave one car behind has sealed your fate. 

Simon is in the front passenger seat, looking about as happy to be there as you feel. His arm is leaned against the door, his gaze set out the front windshield. His scent is thick in the air, musky and leathery. It’s a mixed cocktail of scents in the small enclosed space, but Simon’s is the loudest. 

John opens the driver’s side door, climbing into the car. It felt cramped before, but now it feels almost claustrophobic. 

“Just an hour drive and you can stretch your legs.” He says, and you know he’s talking to you. 

“Where are we going?” You ask as he drives down the long driveway. 

“America.” He says, giving you the same answer he gave you before. 

“Why?” You ask, knowing what the answer is going to be. 

“We have some things we need to take care of.” He answers simply. 

“What things?” You pry, already guessing where this conversation is going to go. 

“I already told you.” He replies. Simon glances at him, but says nothing. 

“You told me nothing.” You purse your lips. 

“It’s a surprise.” He says, almost like he’s rehearsed this before. 

“I hate surprises.” You say, leaning back in your seat, your scent souring a bit. “If you bothered to pay attention you’d know that.” The last bit is hardly more than a murmur, but you know he heard you in the enclosed space. 

It falls silent in the car, the five of you sitting there awkwardly after the exchange. It’s been a long time since you’ve been so bombarded by their scents all at once, and it’s been a long time since they’ve been so surrounded by your own scent. It reminds you of that time months ago after Simon returned from his solo assignment when you’d kissed in the car and nearly drove them all insane with an explosion of your scent. 

Only this time, your scent has gone sour with your displeasure and agitation at the lack of information from John.

This time Simon is the first to cave, cracking the car window to let in some air and disperse the heavy scents. 

It’s going to be a long hour. 

Traveling is your worst nightmare. 

Or, at least, traveling like this. 

It’s only the five of you on the plane, some private jet that Kate had procured. It’s a nice plane, but at the same time, being enclosed with your pack for nine hours isn’t exactly ideal. You thought the cottage was bad at times, but at least there you could go outside and escape from them. 

Now you’re really stuck with them. 

Thankfully they’ve mostly left you alone for the duration of the flight, letting you sit in your seat with a book in silence. John and Simon have been in a corner conversing for the better part of the flight, glancing at you every so often. Johnny has slept through most of it, reclined in a seat not far from them. You wondered for a moment if he was faking it to listen in, but when the snores started you knew he really was out. Kyle is in a position not unlike your own, huddled in a seat with a book, minding his own business. 

You really want to know what John and Simon are discussing, what has held their attention for so long. It’s gotten heated a few times, John’s brows pulling into a frown, his lips moving rapidly. Simon’s shoulders keep squaring and relaxing, giving you insight into the rise and fall of emotions during the conversation. You can imagine his face mirroring John’s, his brows pinching in worry or frustration or perhaps even anger. 

Whatever it is, it’s serious enough to last a good part of the flight.

You’re ushered into a car almost as soon as the wheels touch the tarmac and the plane has stopped. You’re stuck between Johnny and Kyle again, but at least the SUV is spacious enough to not have you crammed in like sardines. Your legs are stiff and sore after sitting for the better part of eight hours, but you’re not about to complain. Not with the way John’s hands are gripping the steering wheel. 

If you didn’t know better, you might have thought he was having second thoughts about whatever is happening. 

You still don’t know. 

They still haven’t told you. 

The airstrip the jet landed in looked to be a private one as well, isolated in a grassy area with rolling hills of green and a few sparse trees missing their leaves. You almost fear it might be Texas again, given the warmth of the air for a time so late in the year, but you want to believe they wouldn’t be that cruel to you. At least you hope that’s the case. 

The drive takes longer than the one in England, time seeming to stretch on endlessly as it did in the plane. You’re tired after the flight, but curiosity is keeping you awake and aware. You almost wish you had your book, but it’s stuffed in the back with the small bag you’d been allowed to bring. The others had small bags as well, and you can only imagine what is inside them. 

It makes your insides crawl with nerves. 

The exhaustion becomes too much as the naked trees and rolling hills continue to pass by outside the car. It’s quiet in the car, the tense silence not even enough to keep you awake as your head begins to droop onto Kyle’s shoulder. 

You’re jolted awake as the car comes to a stop. 

The muffled sound of car doors closing outside reaches your ears as you peel your eyes open. 

“Come on.” Kyle says softly, gently shifting you with his shoulder. “Time to get up.” 

You let out a quiet grunt, rubbing your eyes. The world outside is full of grey sky and naked tree limbs from the angle you’re at. John and Simon’s doors slam as they exit the car, the warmth on your other side disappearing as Johnny gets out as well. Gravel crunches outside as Kyle opens his door, easing you so you’re sitting upright. 

The SUV is parked facing another one, and the world behind it opens into more green fields. Kyle slides out of the car, hitting gravel before offering you a hand. You blink the sleep from your eyes, taking the offered hand. 

There’s three other SUVs parked in the gravel, people dressed in plain clothes moving around an old, rickety barn. John is standing halfway between the car and the barn, conversing with Kate. You blink in surprise. You haven’t seen her since she dropped you off with your pack almost a year ago now.

Whatever they’re discussing, it seems to be serious. 

Kyle puts a hand on your back, leading you towards them. 

“Hi honey,” Kate greets you with a small smile, the seriousness melting on her face in almost a performative manner. “How are you holding up?” 

“I don’t know.” You say, wrapping your arms around yourself. “Depends on why I’m here.” 

“You didn’t tell her?” Kate says in surprise, turning back towards John. 

“I knew what she’d say if I told her.” John says. 

You purse your lips again, disliking being talked about as if you’re not standing right there.

Kate looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t, instead she takes half a step back. “Better get this over with, then.” 

John turns towards you, wrapping a hand around your wrist. “Come on.” 

You almost dig your heels in and demand he tell you, but you don’t. You have a feeling you’re about to find out regardless as he leads you towards the barn. Simon and Johnny are waiting by the doors, Kyle following close behind you. Nerves are starting to flutter in your stomach, your insides twisting in fear. What the hell is on the other side of those doors and why does everyone seem so serious about it? 

Johnny’s face is hard set, Simon’s eyes blank as John pauses in front of the door for a moment. 

They’re not themselves. 

You’re looking at Task Force 141. 

Simon slides the barn door open, your stomach clenching painfully. It’s dark in the barn, but not dark enough you can’t see. Grey light seeps in through holes in the roof and sides, giving the barn an eerie look, like you’re about to step into a horror movie. 

John’s hand tightens around your wrist, tugging you forward into the musty air inside the barn. You want to dig your heels in now, fight him and scream not to drag you inside. Your hand is shaking, curling in on itself until your nails dig into your palm. 

“Hi darlin’. Didn’t know you’d be joining us too.” 

You feel like you’ve been punched in the gut, the breath leaving your lungs. 

“Phil.” You breathe, nearly choking around his name. 

He’s seated in the middle of the barn, restrained in a chair. He looks far too comfortable and casual sitting there, greeting you like he would an old friend. 

There’s a table beside him filled with all sorts of instruments. Knives, scalpels, an ice pick. 

Your stomach twists as you realize what’s about to happen. 

The other four approach Phil, leaving a gap so you can see him as you linger behind. You have half a mind to turn and run out the now closed door, but something keeps your feet frozen to the ground. 

“You’re wasting your time.” Phil says, addressing the four members of your pack now. “I don’t know where Shepherd is.” 

“That’s not why we’re here.” John says, his voice deeper and rougher than it had been just outside. “You tortured a member of our pack.”

“Our omega.” Johnny says through gritted teeth. 

“Oh I see, a little revenge then.” Phil says, a smirk lifting on his lips as he stares at you. “And you brought a little audience.” 

***Content Warning: Torture ***

You jump as Simon takes a step forward, rearing back before punching Phil across the face. His head snaps to the side from the force of it, a grunt leaving his lips. Simon grips his chin, yanking his head back to the other side so Phil is looking up at him. 

“We’re going to do the same to you that you did to her.” He growls out. 

The words have a shiver tickling down your spine. 

Simon releases Phil before drawing his fist back to throw another punch. Nausea churns in your stomach as something cracks, the sound echoing in the silence. 

“Solid hit, big man.” Phil grins, spitting onto the floor before sitting up straight again. “You’re going to have to hit me harder than that.” His eyes flicker to you as you stand there in shock. “You can ask your omega how hard I hit her.” 

Johnny surges forward, wrapping his hand around Phil’s throat. “Give me a knife. I’ll cut his tongue out.” 

Phil lets out a choked sound, your own throat constricting a bit from the memory of Phil’s hand choking you. Tears fill your eyes as Phil’s face begins to go purple from the lack of oxygen. 

“Easy.” John says, easing Johnny off of Phil. “We’re not done yet.” 

Phil lets out a choking cough, his hands straining where they’re tied to the arms of the chair. “Not bad.” He coughs out, his face still red. “Gonna have to try harder than that.” 

John punches him in the face, sending his head snapping the other direction. Blood trickles from his lip, his tongue darting out to lick the wound. 

“Of course the alpha would spill the first drop of blood.” Phil says, letting out a chuckle, his gaze returning to you. “This is going to take a while, sweetheart. Why don’t you go back outside and wait for your boys to be done, hm?” 

“No.” John says, his hand closing into a fist again. “She’s going to watch every last bit of this.” 

Your stomach churns as he throws another punch at Phil, this one landing with another sickening crack. You don’t really want to watch this, but at the same time, there’s a sick sense of satisfaction filling you as your pack takes revenge on your behalf. Your omega is nearly purring, watching in glee as they drive punch after punch into Phil’s face. 

“You’re going to have to try harder than that.” Phil chokes out around Simon’s hand where it’s wrapped around his throat. 

“We’re just getting started.” Kyle says, grabbing a knife from the table. 

Phil lets out a pained yell as Kyle stabs the knife into his bicep, slowly dragging it down his arm. It’s deeper than Phil had cut you, blood pouring out of the open wound. Your stomach twists, nausea bubbling up into your throat. How easy this all seems for them. 

How easily Phil had tortured you. 

Your fingers trace the thin, pink line down your own arm, your skin burning with a reminder of what happened to you. 

The realization of what’s happening settles in as Kyle drives the knife into Phil’s chest, dragging it downward in another deep cut. You do want to turn around and go outside. You don’t want to watch this anymore. 

The soft call of your name has you coming back to yourself. Your pack has turned to face you now. You hadn’t even realized that you had turned your head away. Tears have trailed down your cheeks, your breath hitching. 

It’s John that’s called your name, his hand outstretched. He’s holding the ice pick. Your shoulder throbs at the sight of it. The memory of one almost exactly like it being stabbed into your scent gland has a whimper leaving your lips. You know what he’s asking, what he’s offering. Phil inflicted the worst pain you’ve ever felt onto you. Now you’re being offered the chance to do the same to him. 

Your omega is screaming, yelling at you to take it, to return what he did back to him. It’s his fault this happened. Weeks of pain and agony that you will always remember. He did that to you. 

You’re moving before you even realize it, your fingers wrapping around the cold metal. Your omega is taking over again, driving that instinctual violence forward again. Simon is standing behind Phil, holding his head to the side. He looks like shit, his face already bruising and covered in blood. The metallic scent of it is strong, your mind flickering back to those soldiers, his soldiers, the ones you killed with that knife. You wonder what happened to it, if it’s still laying out in the forest, the last lingering remnant of the violence that happened there. 

You stare down at Phil, at his exposed neck. He’s jerking against Simon’s hold, as if he knows and understands what’s about to happen, as if he can already sense the pain that’s about to be brought on him. Does he? Does he really understand? 

He’s about to. 

Your hand moves before you can stop it, driving the ice pick as hard as you can into his scent gland. He lets out a yowl of pain as the metal slides under his skin and into that sensitive spot. You remember it, the lightning-like pain rushing through your body, every nerve-ending on fire, every movement agony for days and days and days. 

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” You say, pushing the ice pick as far as you possibly can into his body. “It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. Worse than all those years I sat in that institute thinking about my family, the family you helped tear me away from.” You take a step back, leaving the ice pick in his shoulder. “You’ll never forget it, that kind of pain.” 

Simon wraps his hand around the ice pick, pulling it free. Blood seeps out of the hole, pouring down Phil’s chest. He jerks in his restraints, his eyes squeezed shut. 

“You deserve to feel that kind of pain.” You say, taking another step back. 

“Look at you.” Phil laughs, tilting his head up with a wince. His eyes are on you, focused solely on you as you stand there. “Tough little thing. Turning more and more like your father, aren’t you?” His words bite at the back of your brain, your omega screaming at the insult. His eyes leave you, instead roaming over the three members of your pack standing in front of him. “No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t hide her away from this world, could you?” 

He’s not talking to you anymore. 

“You’d always leave a stain on her. Eventually it would come around. She’d get caught up in a life like this, a life of violence and bloodshed. Proud of yourselves?” He lets out a chuckle. “You ruined such sweet innocence.” 

“Shut yer fuckin’ mouth.” Johnny growls as Simon moves back around so he’s standing next to you. 

“Ooh, hit a nerve did I?” Phil laughs, turning his gaze to you. “You know your dad never checked you made it to the institute? As soon as you were out of his sight he could finally stop caring about you.” Phil licks his lips. “I should have just taken you right then. No one would have known the difference. None of this would have happened. You’d still be just a sweet little innocent girl, just like you always should have been.” 

Anger and rage burns through you at his words. Years of repressed fears and emotions surging out all at once. Later you’ll wish you could blame it on your omega, that she took over in this moment, but that’s not the case. It’s you in your true form, in your own rage at Phil for his words, for his actions, for the ways he’s ruined your life even still years later. 

Time slows as your fingers wrap around the knife strapped to Simon’s side. It slides out of its sheath easily, your body moving forward as you grip it tightly in your hand. It won’t be the first time, your brain flashing back to all of those men, men who would have done worse things to you had your omega not acted on instinct. She’s screaming at you now, still, clawing at the poorly constructed cage you’ve forced her back in, calling for violence. 

You’ll give it to her. 

The knife cuts through his skin easily, sliding downward as you stab it into his neck. Blood spurts out, coating your hands in the slippery liquid. Adrenaline courses through your body, your vision going red as you yank the knife from his throat, blood spraying out of his artery from where you’ve severed it. It’s like some gruesome renaissance painting as you’re pulled back, an arm around your waist tugging you backward away from the quickly fading body in the chair, your mouth still open in an enraged scream. 

The knife drops from your hand as you’re tugged backwards, your body falling against a solid one. Your legs feel like jelly as the adrenaline pumps through your system, your blood covered hands shaking as you stare at the lifeless body of a man you once thought of as a family friend. A man who played such an integral part in your life behind the scenes. A man who was almost your alpha, a man who would have been your alpha had it not been for the woman standing outside. 

The man who tortured you and brought you more pain than you’ve ever felt in your entire life. 

He’s dead now. He can’t ever hurt you again. 

Nausea churns in your stomach as you sit there, staring down at your blood-soaked hands. It’s deep red and sticking to your skin, no matter how much Kyle tries to wipe at it with a t-shirt. Your body has gone numb as reality has settled in. 

You just killed a man. 

“Easy.” Kyle says, his hand warm against your chilled skin as he wraps his fingers around your arm. 

You’d jerked away from him, nearly slipping off the edge of the trunk. The trunk of the SUV is open and you’re seated on the edge of it, toes pushing into the gravel below to hold yourself up. Kyle had been trying to wipe the dried blood off of your hands, but no matter how hard he scrubbed, some of it wouldn’t come off. 

“Here.” Footsteps approach in the gravel, the rocks crunching under boots. “Go help Simon.” 

Rougher hands replace Kyle’s, wrapping around your wrists. You jump when the cold water hits your hands, shocking you out of your dazed state. You lift your gaze up to John’s face as he wipes the blood from your hands, the shirt quickly becoming stained with red streaks. 

“This wasn’t our intention. I just want you to know that.” He says, his gaze focused on your hands. “We didn’t bring you here to kill him. I just thought you might want to know what was going to happen to him. Closure. Maybe you could rest easier knowing he wasn’t ever going to see freedom again.” 

“He won’t see anything ever again.” You murmur. 

“It doesn’t make you a bad person. Heat of the moment. He was saying some vile things to you.” John tries to comfort you. 

“But that doesn’t mean I had to kill him.” 

“Maybe not. He wouldn’t have lived much longer regardless.” Your hands are starting to feel raw with how hard John is scrubbing them. It’s almost like he’s trying to wipe the fact you’re a murderer from your hands. “None of us will think any less of you for what you did.” 

You stare down at your hands as John finally relents his scrubbing. The blood is gone, but you’ll always remember the look of it staining your skin. “I’m sorry.” 

John squats down in front of you, his hands closing around yours. They’re so warm compared to your own chilled skin. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

“But I do. Phil was right. I’m not innocent anymore. I’m not a good omega. I lost that when I let her take over.” Tears slip down your cheeks, warm against your skin. 

“That doesn’t make you a bad omega.” John says, reaching up to wipe the tears from your cheeks. “You’ve done what you had to do to survive because of our failures. We failed to protect you like we promised and we forced you into situations you shouldn’t have ever been in. We will never be able to apologize enough for what we did.” 

“I’m scared, John.” You whisper. “I don’t want to be like this anymore.” 

His brows furrow. “Be like what?” 

“I still feel like she’s in control.” You say, more tears sliding down your cheeks. “I don’t think I’ve come back to myself at all.” 

Tears still sting your eyes as you sit in the back of the car, watching the flames through the rearview mirror. 

“Unfortunate that the old barn burned down.” Kate says, her voice slightly muffled through the closed car door. 

“Feel sorry for the poor soul stuck inside.” John says. 

“Too bad they’ll never be identified.” 

Their words nearly make you sick again. How easily they talk about it, how easily they can detach themselves. It is their job, you suppose. This is just a normal occurrence to them. It scares you, how easily they confront death and dismiss it. It’s cold and unwelcoming, just like their attitudes had been upon your arrival. You should have known just by that. You should have turned and left when you wanted to. 

Maybe then you’d have less blood on your hands. 

Phil did deserve it, after everything. At least this way you know he won’t try to find you again, won’t try and get revenge of his own against your pack. One less loose string to worry about, John had said. 

There’s just one more that needs to be tied off. 

“Any sign of Shepherd?” John asks. 

“None yet.” Kate answers. “Alex and Farah are investigating a couple of leads. You’ll be the first to know if they find anything.” 

“Good. The sooner we can find him, the better.” 

“He can’t hide forever.” Kate says. “We’ll find him eventually.” She glances towards the car. “You’ll be alright?” 

John is quiet for a moment. “Eventually.” 

“You need anything...” 

“We’ll be sure to let you know.” 

Cold air rushes in with the smell of smoke as Kyle opens the car door. He slides in, quickly closing it. 

“We’re almost ready to go.” He says, shifting so he can put your seatbelt on for you. You’re glad he’s doing it. You’re not sure you could have managed it anyway. “Another long flight back to England.” 

You feel like you’ve spent more time on a plane in the last few hours than you have in your lifetime. You’re not even sure what day it is, or what day it will be when you get back. A week could have passed and you’d never even notice. 

“We’ll stop and get food before we go.” Kyle continues. You know he’s trying to talk to keep you distracted. “Anything you want in particular?” 

Food is the last thing you want right now. 

“Something we can eat on the road I suppose. Don’t want to linger too long anywhere.” Kyle trails off as the doors open, Johnny and Simon climbing in. It’s a tighter squeeze this time thanks to John’s coat that he put on you to keep you warm. You don’t really need it in the car, but his scent is the only thing keeping you sane right now. 

“Ye doin’ alright?” Johnny asks as he puts on his own seatbelt. 

You hum in response, not trusting yourself to answer. You don’t trust yourself to say much of anything right now. 

The smell of smoke hits your nose again as John opens the driver’s side door, climbing into the car. “Let’s get out of here.” He says, putting on his seatbelt before the car rumbles to life. 

You lean back in the seat, staring at the smoldering ashes in the rearview mirror until they disappear around a bend as John drives away from the scene. Warm fingers brush the back of your hand, Kyle’s gaze down on your lap as he slowly curls his fingers around your hand. You stare at his hand for a moment before you look away, curling your fingers around his. 

You don’t remember much of the flight back. You slept through a good part of it, reclined in a seat just like Johnny had been on the flight to America. You barely remember the drive back to the cottage, spending most of it in a sleepy daze with your head propped on Kyle’s shoulder. 

Dr. Keller is there to greet you when you return, some delicious smell wafting from the open door of the cottage. It makes your stomach churn after hours of no food. You haven’t had much of an appetite, the memories of what had happened too fresh to allow you much else but the blissful ignorance of sleep. 

You drag your feet up the steps of the cottage, passing Dr. Keller in a haze as you head straight for the comfortable familiarity of your bed. You can hear quiet voices through the wall as you manage to work your heavy limbs out of your clothes and into something more comfortable. 

You just want to sleep more, sleep forever if it were possible. In sleep you don’t see the blood staining your hands, the spurt of blood from Phil’s neck where you’d stabbed him. You don’t see the light fading from his eyes, his body falling limp as he dies by your hand. In sleep you’re not a murderer, you can go back to when things were easier, when nothing mattered but being a good omega for your pack. Back when your only stress was making a good impression and doing your job like you’re supposed to. 

What a shitty omega you’ve become. You can’t even hold your pack together anymore. 

It’s not like they’re putting in much effort themselves, though. 

Maybe you should let things fall apart. Maybe it would be easier on everyone if you just moved past this, moved on to an unhappy, short life in a care facility while your pack got to live out the rest of their days with nothing but a painful memory of the short stint they got as a full pack. 

Phil was right. You’re not a sweet innocent little girl anymore. That person died as soon as you were forced into this pack. Maybe this was inevitable. By being forced with them you would always become like them. Good omegas learn to adapt to mesh well with their pack, giving up personality and wants in favor of making alphas happy. Maybe this is what they want, maybe this was the way things were always going to end up. You were doomed from the start to become just like them. 

You press your face into your pillow as tears slide down your cheeks, willing yourself to fall into the sweet embrace of sleep once again. 

“John told me what happened.” Dr. Keller says as you sit outside in the cold morning air. “I just want you to know that it doesn’t make me think any less of you.” 

You wish she would. You wish she’d yell and reprimand you for killing someone. You wish any of them would call you a bad person, a wicked soul capable of taking the life of someone else. 

They’re all acting like it’s normal, like it was nothing. 

You hate it. 

“You’re not a bad person.” She says. 

“I killed someone.” You retort. 

“Did you?” 

Her words make you pause. You did. You remember the blood staining your hands, the warm spray of it from Phil’s neck. It was your hand that drove the knife. 

“I want you to walk me through what happened. Step by step.” She says. 

You let out a sigh. It’s not the first time you’ve been over it in the last day. “They were torturing him, but he wouldn’t stop talking. He said that he wished he had just taken me instead of sending me to the institute, and how that way I’d still be an innocent little girl.” Your voice starts to shake. “I got really mad. I barely remember grabbing the knife.” 

“Right there.” Dr. Keller interrupts you. “Walk me through that second by second. What were you feeling beyond just anger?” 

You pause for a moment, thinking it over. What were you feeling? “Blinding rage.” You say. “I was so angry because he helped ruin my life just because he wanted me.” You swallow the lump in your throat. “Just the idea of being his...” Nausea churns in your stomach. “It’s like my brain went numb. It acted on instinct. I didn’t even know Simon had a knife until I was grabbing it.” 

“What was your omega feeling in those moments?” 

You pause to think again. You hadn’t taken into consideration your omega during your ruminations, when you’d told Dr. Keller your side of the events the last few times. “She was...angry too. But, at first, she liked it. She liked Phil being tortured. She wanted me to stab him with the ice pick.” You swallow thickly. “Why did I do that? Why didn’t I say no?” 

“Revenge is a fascinating part of human thought processes.” Dr. Keller says. “In the moment, it fires up those reward centers of the brain. It feels good, feels satisfying. The desire to act on those impulsive needs to dole out justice against someone that wronged you is natural. While it’s not the best idea, it’s just human nature to want to get revenge. In the heat of the moment, logic is the last thing on your mind. Throw in an uncontrolled omega and you may find yourself doing things you don’t want to do, and you don’t know why.” 

“So it was her fault.” You say, wiping your nose. 

“Not exactly. Instincts are complicated things to consider. Instincts don’t care about your feelings or what society considers acceptable. They’re natural, ingrained behaviors in response to certain stimuli and events. A bear chases you, you run. An alpha threatens you, your omega fights back. While yes, what you did may be morally questionable, in the moment, your omega didn’t care about morals or societal expectations. You felt threatened and uncomfortable and your omega acted on your behalf.” 

“It’s because she’s out of control.” You say. 

“Yes. You let her out of that specially crafted cage you learned to keep her in, and now she’s going to fight tooth and nail to stay out. You’re in a very delicate state and it’s not surprising your omega decided to act for you.” 

“She’s so violent.” You say quietly. 

“Omegas and alphas only show themselves for a handful of reasons. Usually those involve danger or extreme emotions. Omegas especially show themselves when violence is needed. We are all fighters at our core, even omegas. You yourself may not be a violent person, but your omega is unsettled. She’s on high alert and any perceived threat could set her off, or any moments of high emotions, such as witnessing what you did.” 

You look down at your hands, imagining them covered with blood again. “I wanted to leave. I should have.” 

“We can’t change what we’ve done in the past. Your omega was likely largely responsible for what happened in those moments. While that doesn’t absolve you of guilt entirely, that also means you weren’t fully in control of yourself when it happened.” She reaches out, putting a hand on yours. “I believe you when you say you didn’t want to do it. I don’t think you’re capable of it in your right mind. You’ve been through a lot over the last few weeks. I thought it was a bad idea to take you, but you know John.” 

“He thinks he knows what's best because it’s what he thinks is best.” You murmur. 

“You can confront him about that.” Dr. Keller says, leaning back in her chair. 

You snort. “That will go well.” 

“It might. Your pack has expressed their willingness to change, to adapt to what you want. You have the power to change your pack. If you don’t like the way they’re doing something, then tell them.” She gives you a pointed look. “They won’t know what to change if you don’t tell them what you want to change.” 

“I’m scared to ask them.” You admit. 

“Why? Why are you scared to ask them?” 

“Good omegas adapt to their pack, they don’t ask. They don’t ask their pack to change just for them.” 

She gives you another look. “Don’t go regressing that far on me.” She shifts in her seat, leaning closer to you. “We’ve talked about this before. You’re a part of this pack too, just as much as they are. You have a right to communicate your needs and your wants just as much as they do. You’re an equal in this pack, and they’ll be the first to agree with that. While their actions of late have been questionable, they do still care about you and want to make you a true equal in this pack.” 

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” You huff. 

“Then let them show you.” She says. “What’s the harm in asking?” 

“They say no.” You say. “I don’t think I could handle it if they said no.” 

“But what if they say yes?” Dr. Keller squeezes your arm. “You’ll never know until you ask. In my professional opinion, I think you hold more power now than you realize. A lot of things happened to you, but a lot of things happened to your pack as well, and within those bonds.”

“Yeah. They’re all fractured now.” You say. 

“They’re in rough shape, but they’re not unfixable. You have to want to fix them. You’re the only one that can fix them.” 

“I don’t like that power.” You say. “Part of me wants to end things.” 

“But, that means there’s a part of you that wants to repair them. As your doctor, I suggest listening to those thoughts more than the ones telling you not to. It won’t be easy, but I think it’s worth your time to try.” 

Tears fill your eyes as you sit there, thinking over her words. You do want to try. You want to try so badly, yet you can’t help that nagging in the back of your mind that everything will go back to the way it was before. 

“What do you need?” Dr. Keller asks softly, brushing some of the hair from your face as you cry. 

What is it you need? A new brain, a reset button, some amnesia? All things you can’t have. You’ll have to choose with what you do have. What do you have? A pack that desperately wants to help you. They’ve told you that themselves. Kyle told you things would get better, but here you are with more blood staining your hands. Kyle wouldn’t lie to you. Not like that. 

You have the power now. 

“Johnny.” You sniffle. “Get me Johnny.” 

NEXT ->

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[meowzilla93]

Oh hello, another Baxter request!

More baby Baxter headcannons please! Specifics on his home life as a kid, more about school, anything about his Origin Story would be greatly appreciated 🙂

oooooh i like this

unwritten territory! (well so far)

lets just say I have lots of thoughts about this and this is just from what I have gathered in my review of Step 3 moments; Hang, Sightseeing and Drinks (more will come with the rest of the steps and OLNF plays)

This wont be the sweetest post ever, its gonna be a little sads, hopefully i can end it with some Sweet Baxter

BABY BAXTER!

Bold and outspoken, but still tried to avoid hurting others feelings or subjecting them to any bullying

Simply said, if he didnt like you or you werent worth his little kid time, he just avoided you - no point being dirty about it

The OLNF were his only friends outside of the society he was forced to grow up in - in addition to being the only people HIS AGE as well

Was dragged along to a lot of dinners and events that his parents either hosted or attended and forced to act the same age as the other people there

He said so himself - parents are quite educated, esteemed, and a tad old. which meant company is also old, not an environment to act as a kid

This is how and why he acts and speaks the way he does - his way of speech and gentlemeness was molded by the people he had to associate with

I do not think he was truly spoilt- his was provided all the opportunities that his parents believed he needed, but nothing more than that

This caused Baxter to miss out on a lot of childhood activites growing up

With the minimal amount of time he did get to spend with the ONFL gang, that was still the only time he truly got to act like a kid

And even then, I think he was chastized by his parents if they found out how childish he was behaving - they had expectations for him you see

Behave with the maturity of someone his parents age or somehow older, but get the level of respect of an infant

before the OLNF gang, he only knew that his family money made him popular with other rich kids and so used to flaunt that as a way to make friends

later on he hated doing this, realising how forced and false those relationships where and started making steps to avoid that moving forward (badly though)

AND THIS IS WHAT MAKES HIM A LITTLE PRAT AND REBEL

He for sure was that very respectful kid when talking to his parents and elders and others, but he knew just how to tease or backchat in such a way where he didnt get caught out, but he knew what he was doing

He always liked dressing up, he didnt mind that, but if he was going to, it was with his own vision, not his parents

This is why he held on so tight to the black and white thing. It was his choice and within his control - he got to do something he wanted rather than his parents

He so pulled pranks at these 'elite' events, hands down this was the nonsense he pulled

And so from the controlling gilded cage that was his life, he rebelled with his outfit choices, choice of friends and hobbies, and did his best to try and reject the lifestyle his parents foisted onto him

School life- I kinda touch on this in a previous post but lets rehash!

A+ student that screwed around in class

Oh HE FLIRTED SO MUCH - with everyone. teachers were not exempt from it (let me be clear im saying this in the most HARMLESS WAY)

let me elaborate - he has an eye for detail, so if a teacher changed their hair colour or perfume or wore a different outfit from usual, he would probably make a comment on it as he is handing in his homework or being told to answer a question on the whiteboard

THATS the start of the bad rep he has - STILL HARMLESS

again he backchats to the teachers, probably got pulled into the principals office a lot

parents get called and when they arrive he is just there chatting away with the principal like nothing was wrong and the principal is just like "im not even sure why I called you, sorry"

As he gets older he gets bolder with his flirting with other students, stopping it entirely with the teachers when he reaches middle school? (i am aussie! Im so sorry, i think this might be like freshman year or just before? Im thinking like grade 9)

So sophmore year is when he start sleeping around

And because he is shameless and figures why not its not harming anyone so long as he is respectful, just continues his little one night stands

His parents hate it; He does it more out of spite

Really leans into the black and white fits and he becomes really know for it around school and Golden Grove

and rumors fly that he is loose with his affections and is a little shit to teachers and adults

and suddenly that is simply who he is - the rumors floated around enough that he was given a bad rep - probably a bad boy rep that his parents tried to smother as much as they could to no avail

But what was happening with the gang all this time?

I think he didnt want to affect them with his antics, didnt want them to deal with his poor parents and their expectations so he just drifted away from them

watched them grow and thrive from a distance

He never stopped caring, he never wanted to walk away, but with everything that was going on, it was the better option

Of course he didnt tell them this, so its just another bad rumor about him now - he doesnt care for others and only cares for himself

His decision to move to Virginia helped him to start finding himself better, figure out the person he wants to be but with all the negativity he grew up with, self inflicted and inflicted by his parents, he just couldnt get out of that bad habit of keeping people at a distance

OH ALSO - being aware of his poor upbringing doesnt stop the trauma from going unrecognized and instill into him the perfect people pleaser he has become

He hurt too many people in Golden Grove with his antics, so now he must avoid ever doing that again

The perfect son, the perfect partner, the perfect friend, the perfect romance, the perfect stranger - there is no room for anything else

I am so sorry I swear I love him.

Lets try and loosen things up now

He believes in fate - oh he loves magic and reads mythology and all that but he really has a soft place in his heart for fate

His eyes portray his emotions more than anything else - sad part is its due to his parents requiring him to be a certain way, but if you wanna know what is going on in his head, look at his eyes

he learnt this at a young age, keep your emotions hidden, but his sweet eyes cannot contain his joy or mirth or teasing

that rock paper scissors thing? i recon it started more as a way to ensure his friends got what they wanted, as he didnt want anything more than their company

those big piles of leaves during autumn? oh he for sure would go lie in them to get away from the world

he enjoys walks and strolls cause as a young kid it was a way to venture into the magic and beauty of the forests and let himself go for a bit

ballroom dancing? same sitch, it was the magic of music and the way that you looked like you floated on the dance floor

magic, and i mean the magic of experience and the world around you, not 'is this your card' magic holds a very special place in his heart

loves watching the colours in the sky change at sunset - please take this man to see the Aurora Borealis, i think he might just cry

he for sure stole dancing partners for fun during rehersals

his little crush in Qui? mustve seen them do a leap and spin or something whilst some sweet romantic music was playing in the background and he was just down right smitten for them at that point

the ONFL was his first found family, i really cannot wait for him to reconnect with them!

siiigh, i thats all i have for now, i need to do more research lol

if you like this or have any prompts please do not hesitate! I might be a touch slow to respond but thats due to life and also i will research the hell out of everything to give you the most :D

[tarrarre]

This is math anon. I know European high school calculus (differential, integral), statistics and analytical geometry/linear algebra. So the reason I'm scared shitless is that my country has a system, where everyone can get into engineering, but they try to weed out as many unworthy ones as possible during the first year. Other engineering students have only told me horror stories of extremely difficult exams you have to complete in a short time frame, coupled with minimal support from professors that just read off their powerpoint to a lecture hall of 700 people. I'm talking fail rate over 80%, even the geniuses scraping by on a D-. I'm goodish but NOT a genius and now need to concentrate on maximum preparation and self-teaching to survive this first year. Thanks for any advice

The only way to get better at maths is to do it. Practice drills and putting pen to paper.

If your university website has a brief overview of modules that may be offered in the upcoming academic year, take a look at those and start practicing those topics. Look up youtube videos on the subject, and do practice problems. I usually do any practice problems offered in the video on the subject, and I google "(topic) worksheet" (make sure the worksheet has solutions) or "(topic) exam" (again, with solutions). This way you'll be able to learn while also rehashing your previous knowledge as mathematical knowledge is cumulative.

Keep a note on the topics you're currently doing so that you can have a more structured leaning path for maximum efficiency.

I'd say that if you want to be prepared for next year, have at least a working knowledge of the topics you're going to be starting next year before the academic year actually begins.

On the lectures, I know what you're talking about, I had lecturers just like that. In this case, you should create a system where you can self-study. Not that I recommend this, but personally, I would usually skip those lectures if I knew the material was going to be online anyway because I wouldn't really get anything from sitting and listening to someone talk about the topic at hand when I could actually be practicing it. I'd go home and just employ the same strategy I told you about. Watch videos, do practice problems, DO EXAM PAST PAPERS.

When you're actually in college, the most important thing, like I said, is put pen to paper. This means handing in your assignments on time, doing any practice work that your professors may put up. You don't want to find yourself in a position where you're 3 weeks behind, and have to go back and do 3 weeks worth of learning because you did not do the learning on the week that the topic was presented to you (but if this happens, it's not the end of the world, I think literally every student has found themselves in a similar position at some point).

Maths is cumulative, and you want to make sure that you have a solid foundation. I think that this is the reason why most people fail maths. They skip assignments, don't hand in work when it's due, don't rehash their knowledge, and unfortunately that means maths gets increasingly difficult for them as they don't have a solid base of knowledge and experience on past topics.

In summary: during the summer, have a study plan laid out for topics that might come up, in college, keep up with your work, hand in your assignments, go to your tutorials (if you have such a thing).

If you have any questions about what I've said, any comments, etc. you can send me another ask and I'll answer you. Hope everything I said was clear.

[the-rewatch-rewind]

Heaven, I'm in heaven...

Script below the break

Hello and welcome back to The Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane, and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched films in a 20-year period. Today I will be discussing number five on my list: RKO’s 1935 musical comedy Top Hat, directed by Mark Sandrich, written by Allan Scott and Dwight Taylor, and starring Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

American dancer Jerry Travers (Fred Astaire) comes to London to star in a show produced by his friend Horace Hardwick (Edward Everett Horton). The night before the show opens, Jerry’s tapdancing in Horace’s hotel room awakens model Dale Tremont (Ginger Rogers) in the room below. She calls the manager to complain, who calls the room above hers, and Horace answers the phone. Because he can’t hear over Jerry’s dancing, he leaves to see what the manager wants. Tired of waiting for the noise to stop, Dale storms upstairs to confront the dancer. Upon seeing her, Jerry immediately falls in love, and the next day he starts following her around in a mildly creepy but mostly charming way. However, he never tells her his name, and when Dale learns that her friend Madge Hardwick (Helen Broderick)’s husband is staying in the room above hers, she naturally assumes that Jerry is Horace Hardwick. All of this results in much confusion, hilarity, and of course, dancing.

Top Hat was one of the many old movies that my mom introduced me to in 2002, and it has been among my favorite films ever since. I had already seen it several times before I started keeping track, and then I watched it five times in 2003, three times in 2004, three times in 2005, once in 2006, once in 2009, twice in 2010, three times in 2011, four times in 2012, once each in 2013, 2014, 2016, 2017, and 2018, twice in 2020, once in 2021, and once in 2022. This was the first Fred and Ginger movie I ever saw, and while I’ve since watched and enjoyed all nine others multiple times, none could top Top Hat, in my opinion.

This was the fourth film that Fred and Ginger made together, but only the second in which they had starring roles, and the first that was written specifically for them. Two of their previous films – 1933’s Flying Down to Rio and 1935’s Roberta – gave them relatively small parts, although their scenes were unquestionably the highlights. In Flying Down to Rio, they got fourth and fifth billing and are barely in it, but they caused a splash with their one dance number, and an iconic duo was born. They got second and third billing in Roberta, in which they basically function as the B romantic pair, with Irene Dunne and Randolph Scott as the A couple. Fred and Ginger’s first starring roles had been in 1934’s The Gay Divorcee, which was an adaptation of the Broadway musical Gay Divorce. Critics of Top Hat (including Astaire himself) complained that it was basically a rehash of The Gay Divorcee, and like, I can see their point: both films have a weird mistaken identity story and feature essentially the same cast filling very similar roles – with the notable change from Alice Brady to Helen Broderick in the “Ginger’s older relative/friend” role. But while I also enjoy The Gay Divorcee, somehow I feel like Top Hat just works better. The story makes at least a little bit more sense, and they didn’t devote a quarter of the runtime to a single interminable musical number like The Gay Divorcee did with the frickin Continental… although The Piccolino came dangerously close to replicating that. After Top Hat, Fred and Ginger made five more films with RKO in the 1930s: 1936’s Follow the Fleet, in which they were basically the B couple like they had been in Roberta, although they did get top billing in this one; 1936’s Swing Time, which is mostly very good and would probably have made it onto this podcast if not for that one blackface number; 1937’s Shall We Dance, which I kind of slept on for a while but now I think is probably my second favorite of theirs, although the ending drags a bit; 1938’s Carefree, possibly their weirdest movie, which involves hypnotism; and 1939’s The Story of Vernon and Irene Castle, which I find to be disappointingly forgettable. Then, after 10 years apart, they reunited for MGM’s The Barkleys of Broadway in 1949, which is basically Fred and Ginger fan fiction and it makes me so happy that it exists.

While there were lots of other dancing musicals being made in Hollywood around this time, the Astaire/Rogers ones feel like their own genre, and not just because of the stars. I think a big part of what makes Top Hat feel like the quintessential Fred and Ginger film is the supporting cast. Edward Everett Horton, Helen Broderick, Erik Rhodes, and Eric Blore were each in at least one other Fred and Ginger movie, but this is the only one that has all four of them. Edward Everett Horton excelled at playing the kind of guy who thinks he’s in control of every situation, but actually has no clue what’s going on, and he’s especially in his element as Horace Hardwick, convinced that he can get to the bottom of everyone’s strange behavior while never suspecting that he could end all the confusion just by meeting Dale. Helen Broderick delivers wisecracks in a brilliantly dry, cynical tone that contrasts with Horton’s bumbling to great comedic effect. Their characters don’t seem to have a very functional marriage, but they also don’t really seem to mind that. Typically the “haha, married couples hate each other” types of jokes really irritate me, but Horace and Madge are such ridiculous characters that it’s actually kind of funny when they do it. And then there’s Erik Rhodes, whose absurdly over-the-top Italian characterization in Top Hat and The Gay Divorcee so offended Mussolini that both those films were banned in Italy. Personally I feel like Top Hat’s portrayal of Venice as a giant white soundstage is probably more insulting to Italians than a guy doing a bad accent and being silly is, but I don’t know, maybe it’s still offensive. To me, as a non-Italian, I just think Erik Rhodes is very funny as Alberto Beddini, the dressmaker whose clothes Dale is modeling. He has some truly excellent lines, like, “Never again will I allow women to wear my dresses!” and “I am no man; I am Beddini!” Despite his declarations of love for Dale, he is extremely queer-coded, while also interestingly being one of the most masculine characters in the film, which is…kind of the opposite of how male characters are typically queer-coded. So Alberto is very silly but also quite fascinating. Eric Blore was in half of the Fred and Ginger movies and he’s always hilarious. In Top Hat he plays Horace’s valet, Bates, who always refer to themselves in the plural (“We are Bates, sir”), so the next time someone complains to you about this so-called newfangled trend of young people messing with pronouns, feel free to point out that at least one middle-aged man was doing that way back in 1935. One of my favorite exchanges in the movie is when Horace is trying to explain to Bates that Jerry seems to have gotten into a perilous situation with a woman by saying, “He has practically put his foot right into a hornets’ nest” and Bates respond with, “But hornets’ nests grow on trees, sir.” “Never mind that. We have got to do something.” “What about rubbing it with butter, sir?” “You blasted fool, you can’t rub a girl with butter!” “My sister got into a hornets’ nest and we rubbed HER with butter, sir!” “That’s the wrong treatment, you should have used mud – never mind that!” It has nothing to do with anything but it makes me laugh every time. This supporting cast adds a silly, somewhat Vaudevillian aspect to Top Hat that no Fred and Ginger film would be complete without.

Of course, Fred and Ginger movies are better known for a different somewhat Vaudevillian aspect: their songs. It’s very interesting to watch Top Hat from a musical history perspective because it was made before the advent of the book musical – that is, a show where the songs are fully integrated into the story and used to tell a specific narrative. The songs in this movie do sort of advance the plot, but the lyrics are generic enough that they stand alone completely out of context. It’s kind of a bridge between the disjointed songs and scenes of vaudeville and the continuously flowing story of book musicals. All the music in Top Hat was written by the legendary Irving Berlin, including two solo numbers for Fred: “No Strings (I’m Fancy Free)” which is what Jerry is dancing to in the hotel when he disturbs Dale, and “Top Hat, White Tie and Tails” which is part of his show; and three numbers for both Fred and Ginger to dance to: “Isn’t This a Lovely Day (to Be Caught in the Rain)?” for soon after they meet, before Dale thinks that Jerry is Horace, “Cheek to Cheek” when they’re in love but Dale is conflicted because she thinks he’s married to Madge, who is confusingly encouraging them to dance, and “The Piccolino” after Dale finally learns Jerry’s true identity. Both Astaire and Rogers were significantly better dancers than singers, but typically Fred did most of the singing, and the only song he doesn’t sing in Top Hat is the Piccolino, apparently because he didn’t like it, so Ginger sings it first and then an offscreen chorus repeats it. My favorite number in the film has always been “Isn’t this a Lovely Day (to Be Caught in the Rain)?” because I love the way Jerry starts dancing fancier and fancier and is pleasantly surprised that Dale can keep up with him, and it’s fun that Ginger got to wear pants for once, and I also just really enjoy that song. There was a time soon after I first fell in love with this movie when I tried to make saying the word “lovely” a lot part of my personality, mainly inspired by this song. I truly enjoy all the numbers, even if I do think The Piccolino goes on a bit too long, although, again, it’s not nearly as painfully long as The Continental in The Gay Divorcee, which it’s clearly meant to pay homage to. But Fred and Ginger’s most famous dance number – certainly in this film, and also probably in any of their films – is “Cheek to Cheek.” It is pure, breathtaking magic, and even knowing about the major drama with Ginger’s dress in no way detracts from that.

I’ve heard a few different accounts of the dress drama with slightly conflicting details, but what they all seem to agree on is that Ginger Rogers insisted that a low-backed, light blue, ostrich feather dress would look perfect during the “Cheek to Cheek” dance, and pretty much everybody else tried to talk her out of it, but she refused to back down until they were all forced to concede. And she was correct, it looks incredible, although if you’re watching closely you can see some feathers falling off while she dances, which was the main objection to the dress. Fred Astaire was reportedly extremely annoyed about the flying feathers, although he betrays none of that to the audience, and afterwards gave Ginger the nickname “Feathers,” which he continued to call her for many years. My interpretation of this is that it started as kind of an insult when he was genuinely upset about the incident but evolved to become more of a term of endearment, although obviously I don’t know for sure. As far as I can tell, apart from the occasional disagreement, Fred and Ginger got along pretty well in real life, although the studio sometimes invented or exaggerated stories about them fighting to try to generate more buzz. Personally I don’t think that was necessary; their talent spoke for itself, and audiences would have flocked to their films whether or not there was conflict offscreen.

One thing that I don’t like about old movies is that in general, most of the people who worked on them were deceased before DVDs were invented, which means that the special features are often lacking. I have watched Top Hat with commentary, but it’s by a film historian and Fred Astaire’s daughter who was born after this movie was made. It’s mostly the historian talking, but every once in a while Astaire’s daughter shares a memory of her father, and every. single. time. the historian responds with, in the most patronizing tone of voice I’ve ever heard, “Thank you for telling us that” and I hate it so much. But one thing that I did learn from the commentary that I definitely wouldn’t have noticed if nobody had told me is that Lucille Ball makes a very small appearance in this movie as a worker at the flower shop in the London hotel. She has a couple of lines, but even though I’m used to watching her in Stage Door, which was only made two years after Top Hat, I absolutely would never have recognized her. So that’s kind of fun.

Now, when it comes to watching Top Hat from an aroace perspective, even I cannot deny that this movie in general, and the “Cheek to Cheek” number specifically, is extremely romantic. The main storyline is Jerry immediately falling for Dale and flirting with her until she falls for him, and then her attempting to suppress her feelings when she thinks he’s married to her best friend. But somehow, even watching it as a young teen who had no idea that I was aroace, this felt different from other romantic films I’d seen. I remember feeling irritated the first time I read a description of Fred and Ginger’s dancing as their version of making love because “ugh, why do people have to make everything about sex?” It took me a while to realize that not only is that an apt description, but it’s also part of what drew me to them in the first place. Because despite the way the terms “making love” and “being intimate” are now used almost exclusively as synonyms for “having sex,” they don’t necessarily have to be. There are other ways of experiencing and expressing love and intimacy besides sex. It’s just that our allonormative society puts sex on such a high pedestal and portrays it as the One True Form of Intimacy that all other forms are devalued to the point that often they feel barely worth mentioning. And I do feel like when some people talk about Fred and Ginger this way, what they’re implying is “Their dances were the Hays Code era version of sex scenes.” And, granted, it’s quite possible that that was the intent. But nothing about their dancing is inherently sexual, and yet, it would be hard to deny that it’s extremely intimate. So as someone who craves non-sexual intimacy, in a world where that concept almost seems oxymoronic, it’s so encouraging to see these characters express that. Of course, I don’t want exactly what they have – for one thing, I’m a terrible dancer, despite my one year of tap lessons in 2nd grade. And for another, what they have is way too romantic for me. But although I could never have articulated this at the time, just seeing this example of extreme intimacy coming in other, non-sexual forms as a young obliviously asexual person was so important. It gave me some armor against the onslaught of allo- and amatonormative messages implying that sexual relationships are inherently more valuable and valid than any other kind of relationship. Top Hat ends with the implication that Jerry and Dale are about to get married, so I guess we’re meant to infer that their relationship will eventually become sexual, but I don’t see how anyone could watch this movie and still think that a sexless marriage consisting of dance numbers like “Cheek to Cheek” would be any less valid than a sexual marriage. Like so many of my favorite movies, it’s not exactly ace representation, but it’s easy to imagine many of the characters in Top Hat as ace, and often that’s as good as it gets.

While the subtle and probably unintentional message that sex doesn’t have to be the end all be all is great, the main reason I love this movie is because it’s just a lot of fun to watch. I’ll be the first to admit that the plot is a little ridiculous and doesn’t make a ton of sense, but I also have to admire the lengths they go to in order to maintain the mistaken identity for so long. Like the part when the London hotel manager tells Dale that Horace Hardwick is the gentleman with the briefcase and cane on the mezzanine, and Horace steps behind a chandelier before Dale can see him, and while she’s trying to get closer, Jerry runs up to Horace and says that he has a phone call, and Horace hands Jerry his briefcase and cane and rushes off, so Dale will see Jerry alone holding a briefcase and cane and therefore still think he is Horace. Or when Horace just happens to be in the bathtub when Dale comes into their room in Italy. Or how Jerry tells Madge that he’s met Dale so she doesn’t think she needs to introduce him. It’s like simultaneously the most far-fetched, bizarre plot imaginable and also kind of brilliantly executed, and I love it for that. And even if the plot doesn’t work for you, this movie is still worth watching for its truly phenomenal dancing by one of the most iconic pairs in Hollywood history.

Thank you for listening to me discuss another of my most frequently rewatched films. When compiling this list, I was very surprised to discover that Fred Astaire would only appear in one film, since I consider him one of my faves, but I hope he would at least be happy to know that that one film is in my top five. Next week, I will be talking about another Old Hollywood musical that I watched two more times than Top Hat, for a total of 33 views, which stars a man who is often compared to Fred Astaire, although I feel like, apart from being dancers, they were very different. So stay tuned for that, and as always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “I make more money than…than…than Calvin Coolidge! Put together!”

[thoughtlessarse]

There is some dispute about who first defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. But Geert Wilders gave a first-class demonstration when he demanded a new slate of asylum rules in The Hague on Monday, writes Gordon Darroch. Exasperated at the Dutch government’s failure to make any progress on delivering the “strictest asylum policy ever”, Wilders took the unusual step of calling a press conference to warn sternly that “the gloves are off”. The PVV leader is rarely seen in public these days and shuns the talk show studios, but on this occasion he patiently answered reporters’ questions about why his patience in the cabinet had run out. He insisted he was not making any threats before proceeding to deliver an ultimatum: if he didn’t see progress in the next few weeks, his party would be “gone”. Most of the ideas in his 10-point plan were recycled from previous PVV election manifestos, old tweets or the last attempt to rehash the coalition agreement in October. Ageing rockers are fond of cashing in on their Greatest Hits; this was effectively a compendium of Geert Wilders’ greatest failures. His train of thought lurched drunkenly between the unethical, the unthinkable and the unworkable. With the PVV sliding in the opinion polls since January, Wilders had a pressing need to take back control of the agenda. Immigration has been eclipsed as the dominant issue by trade wars and global security since Donald Trump’s return to the White House. Wilders’ big triumph in the spring budget negotiations, the promise to freeze social housing rents for the next two years, is in tatters. The foreign affairs minister, Caspar Veldkamp, is no longer prepared to let the Netherlands be a cheerleader for Netanyahu as the bodies pile up in Gaza. Like Trump, Wilders has shouted loudly but achieved little. And so he went back to shouting again about immigration while offering no solutions, other than taking another shot at the “strictest asylum policy” using the spent cartridges from the last effort.

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[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 21, second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Flute Solo

For some reason Wei Wuxian has decided to take a walk outside of the fortress, or behind the fortress, or something? Can people just take a stroll outside during wartime? Seems unwise.

There are guards and these extra-bossy crows herding some Wen prisoners along, and Wei Wuxian stands up above and gets totally overwhelmed by resentful energy.  

He falls to one knee while clutching his chest, in the spot where all cultivators seem to stow a bag of holding. I guess this is the Xuanwu sword? Or maybe it's his surgical incision; those things can take a while to finish healing. I think the golden core is further down in the abdomen, though; this is right over his heart. 

Wen Qing, Granny, and Fourth Uncle are in the group, but Wen Qing has her hood up so Wei Wuxian can't see her, and he's unlikely to remember the other two, since he only saw them that one time at the shrine, and he doesn't remember people he's literally had dinner with.  

The guards decide to be assholes and beat the shit out of a prisoner because he fell down, which inspires some extra aggressive crows to swoop in and attack the not-dead guy on the ground. That is...not how carrion-eaters behave, generally. They're pretty good about waiting for you to stop moving.

Wei Wuxian continues to struggle, obviously having an orgasm in a lot of pain, and starting to leak resentful energy.

(more after the cut)

He brings his flute up and starts playing it, which causes the wind to rise, rocks to fall from a nearby cliff, and the whole group of people on the ground under him to start having Yin Iron lines crawling up their faces.

Would Wen Qing be a beautiful fierce corpse? She would. 

Eventually Wei Wuxian stops torturing everybody, having gotten it out of his system for a bit, and stands up.  The group gets up, skin clearing up, and starts moving along again, a little shook. Wen Qing looks up and sees Wei Wuxian and hides her face in anguish.

She was there in the dungeon, listening to the same flute music, when he was resentfully slaughtering everyone around her in Yiling. Does she understand what she’s seeing, what he’s become? 

Her hood is off and it seems that he sees her, or at least that he is trying to figure out what he's seeing. But Jiang Yanli arrives before he can do more than look puzzled and cast his eyes around.  

Jiang Yanli asks him what just happened and he laughs and says it was the strong wind, in an extremely transparent lie that Yanli nearly chokes trying to swallow. She drags him back to the meeting while he continues to look troubled.

War Council

Meanwhile, the war council is meeting. This is mostly a boring rehash of stuff we already know, but someone has drawn a nice big map that's been installed in a custom frame. Because apparently the table with the mountains on it is not a good enough representation of "and then we will walk from our house to Wen Ruohan's house," which is basically their plan. The gist of this scene is that Wen Ruohan having the Yin Iron gives him an advantage, in case we needed to be reminded of that. 

The doors fly open and Wei Wuxian and his fabulous ass literally blow into the room. 

Everyone reacts in a comically extreme way. 

He casts his eyes malevolently and/or sexily over to Lan Wangji, who is still grumpy with him, while Jiang Cheng comes up and stands almost as close to him as Lan Wangji used to.

He tells everybody that he might have something to counteract the yin iron.

Everybody: Really? Do tell!  

Wei Wuxian: Happy to!

Wei Wuxian: *theatrical side-eye at judgy ex boyfriend* 

Wei Wuxian: Actually, nope.

He says "we'll see in about a month" while fondling whatever is hidden next to his ribcage.

This behavior, while ridiculous, isn't quite as absurd as it seems from a corporate-meeting standpoint. Part of what cultivators do is invent and refine spiritual tools. So when Wei Wuxian makes this speech, the people in the meeting are going to infer that he is creating a spiritual tool to counter the Yin Iron.

Now it's Lan Xichen's turn to ask everybody’s favorite question. Lan Xichen wasn’t at the party when everyone else asked him, and we're apparently supposed to believe these gossips haven't been talking about the not-sword-carrying 24x7.

Wei Wuxian says he's just not in the mood, and we get to see Lan Xichen's impressive ability to hold his face completely still while he represses his desire to slap someone.

Jin Zixun complains about Wei Wuxian after he leaves, but for once his bitching is on point; he correctly surmises that the counter to yin iron is...yin iron. 

Now, to be fair, the yin tiger amulet is different from the yin iron because it exists in the novel Wei Wuxian specially refines it to be more manageable than the sword it started from. And maybe it’s gel coated to be easier on the stomach. But it's basically the same shit.

Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue exchange intense gazes, just to prove that the young people aren’t the only ones who know how to eye fuck. 

Lying Is Forbidden 

Lan Xichen talks to Lan Wangji, and we discover that Lan Wangji is perfectly capable of lying. He manages to maintain a reputation for not lying but I think the trick is that he just avoids talking in general, so when, for example, people in later years say "who's your masked boyfriend" he just doesn't answer, which isn't really lying. (How many times did Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen ask “where did you get this kid?” and just not get an answer, I wonder.) 

At other times he actually directly lies, as when he claims he is “just passing through” Yiling on a night hunt. The current conversation with Lan Xichen definitely involves actual lying.

Let's play multiple choice answers with the Lan brothers!

Q:  Why is WWX so confident we can have Yin Iron against WRH in a month? 

a.) Because he's been walking around with that Xuanwu sword for months, and it is obviously made of Yin iron b.) because he used a fucking ghost flute to flay Wen Chao more or less in front of me, so he is clearly down with some dark magics c.) I don’t know

Q: Was the death of people in the Yiling supervisory office really related to yin iron?

a.) obviously b.) maybe he was using some other source of overwhelming necromantic power c.) no, he’s not like that

Q. When you approached Yiling, was there anything unusual?

a.) yes, the talismans had been altered to draw in evil spirits b.) yes, everyone except his particular friend Wen Qing had killed themselves in horrifying, outlandish ways c.) are there rules already set for everything in the world?

Xichen, bless him, actually lets Lan Wangji change the subject like that and answers his question honestly.

Xichen: Actually, rules are pretty much shit Wangji: fucking hell, you're telling me this NOW? What have I been doing for the past 18 years then?

They both look just ridiculously beautiful in this conversation. Lan Wangji’s affect with his brother is so interesting. He’s trusting, emotionally open, willing to be seen...but only because he knows Lan Xichen won’t push past his barriers, won’t force him to speak the truth of what’s on his mind.

Awkwardness

The Yunmeng bros roll up, and awkwardness ensues. 

Wangji is frowning hard. His frowns are of the micro variety just like his smiles, but boy they are consistent and Wei Wuxian and Xichen both know how to read them.

Wei Wuxian gives Lan Xichen a small, sunny smile--it seems genuine, not like the fake ones he's trotting out on demand for his family. 

Then he gives Lan Wangji a pointed gaze of yearning and reproachfulness, which Lan Wangji returns, switching from frowning to a softer expression that seems about equal parts hurt, apology, and thirst.

Wei Wuxian reacts to that by bowing again and leaving, with Jiang Cheng quickly following, wondering what the fuck just happened.

Lans Xichen and Wangji pivot gracefully to watch them go, which Lan Wangji should know is not correct post-breakup behavior; you're supposed to act disinterested, my dude. 

And then Lan Xichen asks Lan Wangji what the fuck is going on. Lan Wangji gets one more lie in, saying he's not worried about Wei Wuxian, before reapplying his frown and walking away from the conversation.

Macroexpression Brothers

OP was wrong about Wei Wuxian not hugging Jiang Cheng any more--here he is hanging on him just like the old days, and Jiang Cheng is shoving him off, just like the old days. However, it emerges that this is mostly an act that WWX is putting on to seem normal. 

Jiang Cheng wants to know what's wrong between him and Lan Wangji, and asks why they broke up. Wei Wuxian points out that Jiang Cheng didn't like him dating Lan Wangji before, so why is he pushing him to get back together with him now, and Jiang Cheng says that now they're allies in a war, so Wei Wuxian needs to do his duty and help keep Lan Wangji in fighting trim, nudge nudge. 

Then he starts lecturing Wei Wuxian about sword cultivation and generally good behavior, and Wei Wuxian theatrically nods and give him appraising looks, telling him he really seems like a clan leader now.

Jiang Cheng headshakes this away. Wei Wuxian actually giving Jiang Cheng a sincere compliment here, disguised as teasing, and he's not wrong. Jiang Cheng has matured and is becoming a strong leader. Not strong enough to ignore peer pressure, but that’s true of most clan leaders in this environment. They’re not supposed to ignore peer pressure. 

Wei Wuxian is pointing it out for his own reasons - he doesn't want to be having this conversation - but it's nice to see him giving his clan leader his due.

Jiang Cheng walks away as Wei Wuxian smiles after him; as soon as he's out of sight the smile falls off of Wei Wuxian's face as fast as fast as gravity can take it. It's like someone snuffed a candle.

No one bites back as hard On their anger None of my pain and woe Can show through

But my dreams, they aren't as empty As my conscience seems to be I have hours, only lonely My love is vengeance that's never free

More Awkwardness

Lan Wangji and his ambivalence come looking for Wei Wuxian, standing outside his door and raising a hand to knock before changing his mind and fleeing. 

Lan Wangji is on the back foot for the first time in his relationship with Wei Wuxian; this boy who pursued and pursued and PURSUED him is now a man who won't speak to him.  This boy who hung on every one of his words, and saw through all of his minute facial expressions, has become a man who won't listen to him. Lan Wangji is in the position of pursuer, now, and it's not a role he's well equipped for.

Yanli stops him as he's bailing. He looks so relieved to see her, but he tries to escape immediately after greeting her. She stops him so she can ask what the fuck is going on. 

Unfortunately, Wei Wuxian rolls up while Lan Wangji is in the middle of talking to her.  He's telling her about the heterodox cultivation, and Wei Wuxian busts him. Wei Wuxian steps up and asks what he was telling her, and Lan Wangji says "Wei Ying," but doesn't get much further than that.

Nunya

Wei Wuxian reminds him that he told him to stay out of Jiang Clan business. Now, here I want to mention that "private" and "not your bidness" are culturally specific concepts. OP, for example, grew up in version of Irish-American culture so secretive that the problems of a person's life and (often) the cause of their death are things only discovered by whoever inherits their papers. [OP inherited 3 generations of letters a few years ago, and HOO BOY]

In the version of Chinese culture which we see in this drama, your choices, thoughts & troubles belong to the family and clan, not just to you.  Wei Wuxian, in shutting his elder sister out of his struggles, is not family-ing correctly. Jiang Yanli is right to try to get around that by asking his friend. His friend is also right to give her--in sanitized form--the information she is asking for. 

Wei Wuxian has zero trust in Lan Wangji at this point, unfortunately. He doesn’t know that Lan Wangji has been lying to cover for him; he just knows he’s being a grumpy aggressive holy roller. Now, when Lan Wangji has just been given permission to disregard all 3000 rules and look at a person’s heart, that person’s heart has been hardened against him. 

Yanli is used to dealing with Wei Wuxian's moods at this point -- after all, a lifetime of Jiang Cheng has got her used to volatile little brothers, and Wei Wuxian is clearly a new, not-improved man since his return. 

She tries to get him to chill out while Lan Wangji gives him a death glare -- not a return to the earlier generalized frown, more of a specific "I can't believe how full of shit you are" frown.

Wei Wuxian calls him Lan Er Gongzi, like a dick. Lan Wangji started this but at this point Wei Wuxian is kind of in the lead for who is being The Worst. Lan Wangji executes a beautiful 180 and walks away at top speed. 

Wei Wuxian asks Yanli if he talked about Yiling and when she says he didn't, he realizes he fucked up. 

He goes running after him and calls him Lan Zhan and says "listen to me" but Lan Wangji is no longer in a listening mood. 

Eat A Dick Sword

Lan Wangji is so far in his feelings at this point that he just hauls out his sword and goes after Wei Wuxian, taking complete control of the interaction and forcing Wei Wuxian to concede the fight. Aww, he’s so angry! I love him. 

This is a rough moment for Wei Wuxian. He really genuinely can't hold his own against Lan Wangji, unless he's going to directly use necromancy against him the way he does later in their final confrontation. 

When they first met he was able to defend himself on the rooftop without drawing his sword, but he's weaker now; Chenqing is an adequate hand weapon against most cultivators and puppets, but it's not a match for Lan Wangji's full attack. 

Wei Wuxian is not enjoying this fight, and can’t win in, so he just throws in the towel, exposing his throat and trusting Lan Wangji's control.

On the surface, this fight appears to re-establish their former rapport, but it puts them on such an uneven footing it might actually drive a larger wedge between them.  I think that Lan Wangji has made a strategic error in doing this.  

Lan Wangji seems to want to prove to Wei Wuxian that his new style of cultivation is inadequate, that he would do better with a sword. Swordplay was the beginning of their relationship; their matched power was the source of their mutual attraction. Lan Wangji can't accept that Wei Wuxian has given it up; he doesn't (yet) respect his agency enough to assume that he has a good reason.

This fight functions as yet another punishment that Lan Wangji doles out to Wei Wuxian; not a physical one, this time, but a psychological one, and their relationship pays the price. 

By attacking Wei Wuxian and forcing him to concede, Lan Wangji is showing that they're unequal. By criticizing Wei Wuxian's lack of progress and asking him the same goddamn question everybody else is asking him -- where is your sword? -- Lan Wangji is humiliating him. 

This encounter does not re-establish Wei Wuxian’s trust in him; it just forces him to accept Lan Wangji’s authority, for now. Which is not what either of them really wants. 

Soundtrack: Behind Blue Eyes, by The Who

Writing Prompt: What would Wei Wuxian have said if Lan Wangji had listened to him instead of drawing his sword?

[white-queen-lacus]

Frederica and Homura as potential love interests?

Ok, before writing this post, I must admit that this thought has been wandering in my mind for some time and I will do my best to be as analytical as I can in the explanation. First of all, I've truly and wholeheartedly supported Shinkane since season 1 and I am sure that before or after, they will be endgame (in Psycho Pass' meaning, well... offscreen if we're lucky enough), so this post is just an attempt to see what is happening.

Let's make a premise: PP3, among all the seasons of PP, is the one that addressed romance in a more evident way, somehow. Not that it is a priority and it's fair as it is, since the focus of the series is basically human nature and its reaction to a world dominated by AI, but among the three seasons, PP3 caressed the topic. Not that it wasn't already addressed in the previous installments (Shion and Yayoi, Kaori's wedding, Akane's growing fascination, and not-so-well-hidden attraction and love for Kougami, Mika and her schoolmate, just to say), but starting with Sinners of the System, something else happened. Masaoka and Sae, Sugo and his friend's wife (tell me whatever, but he seemed to care a little bit too much and I found something similar in Arata's behavior towards Maiko)... and in season 3, the already mentioned Arata, both with Maiko (the hospital scene) and Karina, but also with Irie and Mao (I loved the whole music box scene) and Mao *not-so-well-hidden* fancying Kei. Did I mention the brief and glorious Shinkane's scenes? The cherry blossoms in First Inspector screamed "LOVE" in caps lock.

Well, ladies first, so let's talk about the mysterious and glamorous agent of the SAD: Hanashiro Frederica. When her character was revealed, all of us (or at least, the majority) thought that she could be a potential threat or a possible enemy. So far, it seems that apart from bigger fanservice than all the girls in PP, a still-secret agenda, and the fact that she managed to recruit Kougami, Gino and Sugo in her team (as well as granting them some privileges), there isn't any evidence that she could be an enemy. Yes, the whole Ministry of Foreign Affairs/SAD goals and mission aren't clear, that's why I hope we might get PP4 or a dedicated special, in order to understand more about them and her apparently personal motivations too. Now... thanks to the lovely @kumapillow who kindly translated the SAD extra chapter, something made me wonder. I already said in another post that Frederica seems to have a soft spot for Kougami. Just a few words about Kougami. So far, with the exception of the novels, where his feelings are clearer, he's never shown particular interest in women (or relationships in general). In the profiling book, it's said that he doesn't remember his first love, but it's also said that he would let Sybil choose for him once the time comes, until the movie updated version when it's said that his favorite type of girl is a companion who can keep up a conversation. Considering that in season 1 he was revenge-driven and Makishima-absorbed, romance was practically out of question (also, if we consider that he's been a workaholic since he was an Inspector, I'm not this impressed if he never had a proper relationship). Complete silence in season 2, then in the movies he said that wherever he goes, he's punctually involved in some conflict, aka... no time for romance again (for ghost!Makishima's joy). I read sometimes that the fact that he declined Shion's advances in episode 18 with the sentence "I don't think we are each others' type" was eloquent about his sexuality, since he probably is gay or bi, at least. I don't think he is, but simply, being the kind person he is, Kougami just found a colloquial way to remember Shion where her heart truly laid (and in the novel, it's more obvious). No surprise, during the fight against Rutaganda, when the mercenary said that listening to Kougami made him happy like he was listening to some Wagner's piéce, Kougami promptly answers that he could have rather listened to those words from a glamorous beauty than from him (he used the word "bijin" there). I won't mention all the Shinkane subtle of the movie, but it was truly obvious how things had changed for Akane and Kougami and what could have been happened if the mercenaries hadn't come. Case 3 shows that his relationship with the fair sex still hasn't progressed this much... though I LOVED Kougami's interactions with Tenzing and the teasing of the little girl who said that he reminded her of her dad (ok, that's progress, since in a radio drama both he and Gino made a small child crying because of their idiocy) and I headcanon that in the years past Case 3 Kou had some chances to hear back from Tenzing (because of MoFA and Frederica's care), when it comes to the blonde colleague... I guess that things haven't changed this much. Now, so far, Kougami has NEVER shown any sign of reciprocating Frederica's possible feelings, but it seems that he's the only one who knows how to cheer her up or to understand her. Coming back to Frederica, after this digression, that's the core: she technically has all the qualities Kougami would possibly need. She's a glamorous beauty (hello there, reference to the gekijouban). She's a companion who could keep up a conversation. This point is trickier, because the conversation under the moonlight (now that it comes to my mind, it was also said that if he ever had to set a date, he would probably talk about work or taking somebody to stargaze), which largely reminds me of his conversation with Akane in the movie (I'm talking about the structure of the scene in general), shows that

Frederica too is perfectly able to lecture Kougami and pull the shits out of him about his true motives for keeping on traveling, she's been interested in him since the lessons with professor Saiga, but also... the fact that she mentioned his mother, I think was some kind of a rehash of the novel version of the conversation between Akane and Kou. I was under the impression that Ubukata and Shiotani were trying to test the waters... Also, Frederica is a skilled fighter, she has a no-nonsense attitude and she's pretty harsh in what she says, but she's also friendly, humorous, and caring (the days they spent together with Tenzing). Then the renowned scene of the two of them making the deal... ok, I need to admit that in the beginning, I didn't see it as malicious, neither I do it now, but... mhhh... sharing the same bottle of water to make a deal... well... kinda intimate, right? Not that Kougami made a fuss, but Frederica was... pleased? After all, she didn't do any of this with Sugo (also, her approach to him was more formal) and we still don't know how she recruited Gino (I think it happened because of Kougami, after Akane's demotion)... I don't know, but it seems to me that her approach toward Kougami (at least in Case 3 and in the manga extras) is more personal... after all, when she approached him the first time, she was quite intrigued, since she wanted to take a look at the face of a celebrity like him (all said while pleasantly smiling). The extra chapter shows that while Gino and Sugo's efforts to help their chief were wasted (not for us who read), only Kougami's proposal was well received by her. Shooting like in a guerrilla field... after all, Frederica is a tough one (just like Akane) and Kougami knows it very well... like Gino adds at the end, she's definitely a female version of him, but she also is somebody able to kick Kou's glorious ass (just like Akane). Now, time will say where the truth is, but I feel like that if Ubukata and Shiotani keep on following the route "there's a deep respect and a bond which goes beyond love and romance between Shinkane... and also Kougami doesn't see Akane in that way", and instead they choose to spice things up (but I don't think so) Frederica might be the one chosen. Luckily enough, our dear former Enforcer seems to have chosen the celibate warrior monk route, but I'm still sure that things can change and in the end, the most natural outcome will be Shinkane. Well... since the post has become longer than I expected, I'll write another time of Shizuka and Akane, but thanks for reading until now!

[soldierswar]

Kobik - Chapter VIII

BuckyxReader

Fluff/Angst

Chapter plot: The aftermath of the explosion brings up questions of what comes next with you and Bucky's future with Kobik will be.

Masterlist

“Are you sure you guys gonna be okay?”

It had been a few hours since you had gotten back home. Even though you protested Kobik using her powers so that she could conserve energy, she conjured up a small bed in your office for her to sleep in and was now thank goodness dead asleep.

After dealing with some organization called ‘SWORD’ that Bucky and Sam were reporting to on a video call, Bucky managed to convince them that he could handle the rest when it came to the aftermath of this ordeal. At least when it came to keeping Kobik until further notice. But he wasn’t stupid enough to think that they weren’t most likely keeping close eyes on you guys.

“You know you can stay the night here, Sam,” you insisted.

Bucky held a smirk on his face.

“He would, but Sam’s got a date in Louisiana in…18 hours?” Bucky dramatically checked his watch and winked at Sam.

“Okay, Cap,” you nodded impressed going in to give him a big hug goodbye.

“By the way,” he said after hugging you.

“I haven’t had a chance to say congratulations.”

Bucky smiled and wrapped an arm around you tightly.

“But the world is in trouble if this kid is anything like either one of you,” he shuddered pointing a finger at the both of you.

Bucky punched him on the arm.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Hopefully not too soon,” Sam quipped.

“And say goodbye to the little fireball for me when she wakes up. I’m going to miss her.”

A sudden wave of sadness hit you because of his words.

Missing her. Something that you dreaded thinking about. In the few days that you had gotten to know her, you came to love her. You wanted to protect her at all costs from anyone. But now, it seemed like one of her biggest threats was herself. How were you supposed to protect her from…her?

The only solution that you could think of is keeping her away from anything or anyone who could threaten her. Anything that could make her feel sad, angry, or unsafe. To shield her from the world. If she was in a warm, loving environment like Bucky said, she would be fine. She could live a normal life. She could live a life where maybe she’d feel content enough to grow, or stay the innocent little 4-year-old if she pleased. Maybe that environment could be with you…

Being stuck in your thoughts about this made you not even realize that Bucky had walked Sam outside, probably to talk in private about what came next.

What would come next?

“You need sleep,” Bucky sighed when he walked back into the apartment.

But you didn’t want to sleep. You wanted answers. And he knew that by the look in your eyes.

“Y/N, we can talk about this tomorrow.”

His eyes looked tired, but you at least needed his attention for a few more minutes.

“No, I want to know now,” you stated.

“Please, let’s just—”

“You don’t have to give me an hour-long discourse about it, but I just want to know what’s going to happen to her in the next few days. Is she going to be interrogated like a criminal? Put in a cell to be experimented on?”

He hesitated for a moment but sighed lightly placing a hand on your back walking you over to the couch.

“We’re not sure yet,” he said.

“But there’s no way that anything like that is going to happen. Do you really think that I would allow it?”

You shrugged. What if he just wouldn’t have a choice in the matter?

“Right now all we have to focus on is the fact that SWORD will be questioning Kobik at one of the New York branches tomorrow. I’ll be taking her. But I won’t leave her side.”

“I’m coming too,” you stated.

“Y/N they’ll never let you in. I barely have clearance to go in there myself.”

You gritted your teeth and flared your nostrils in protest, but couldn’t find a way to defy his logic.

“What do they even do anyway? Are they like a new SHIELD or something?”

Bucky paused to think about it, and then shook his head.

“They’re…They specialize more in for the lack of a better term ‘extraterrestrial anomalies’.”

“Okay, but she’s not an alien,” you argued.

He shot you that ‘you know damn well what I mean’ look.

“Anyway,” he continued.

“When they first approached me not long after I found out about her, I didn’t trust them at all. But after hearing them talk about their history good and bad, and maybe making both legal and illegal research on them I trust them…cautiously.”

You snorted. Classic Bucky. But you couldn’t lie, it was one of the big reasons why you loved and trusted him so much.

“I’ll make sure that she’s okay. And then I’ll bring her straight home.”

Home.

“Is this where she is now?” you asked hopefully.

“Home?”

He hesitated. And not in a good way.

“I don’t know,” he answered solemnly.

“Bucky, we love her. And I think she loves us. We could be good for her…She might be a good big sister…”

One side of his face curled into a soft but solemn smile. One that shifted into adoration the longer he looked at you.

He scooted closer to you and carefully placed his hand on your belly and rested his head on your shoulder.

“Our kid would be lucky to have her in their life,” he stated.

“But…”

“But?” you questioned.

He exhaled.

“You know that’s risky…Not just for the kid, but she is a risk to herself.”

You frowned.

“Y/N she needs help. We both know it. She needs the kind of help that we can’t give her by acting like she’s a normal child. She needs room to grow into her powers and figure out how not to end up in incidents like…Like tonight.”

Again, you wanted to protest. You wanted to find a good counterargument. But a wave of exhaustion swept over you, and you just couldn’t.

“Come on,” Bucky whispered and picked you up taking you to bed like a child. This you didn’t protest to. Being in his arms after having the day that you had was so comfortable. Even if one of his arms was made of vibranium. You didn’t even make it to bed before falling asleep.

…

Before Bucky and Kobik walked through the door you had a stack of grilled cheese sandwiches set up on the counter. It was one of Kobik’s favorite things to eat for lunch.

“Y/N!” she exclaimed running over to you to give you the biggest hug.

You hadn’t seen her since the previous night when she was exhausted and in distress. And although they had left at almost noon, you were still heavily asleep by the time they left.

“Guess what I made?”

She looked up at the counter and beamed.

“Can I have one?”

You gave her a sarcastic frown and stuck your nose in the air like a snooty queen.

“No. They’re only for me. You can just watch me eat them.”

She giggled. It felt so good to hear her laugh like that again. And you were glad that she didn’t seem completely traumatized from having to rehash all of the events from last night. Or rather even just the past week.

You grabbed a plate and handed one to her and told her to sit on the couch and watch tv. She happily complied which left time for you and Bucky to talk about what was going on.

Bucky walked up to you and kissed you on your forehead.

“Glad to see you up.”

“Glad to see the both of you back.”

The sound of the Sponge-Bob theme song blasted in the living room. She really loved that show.

“I see you haven’t given her up yet,” you remarked crossing your arms.

He looked at you guiltily. So you placed a hand on his arm to let him know that it was okay.

Over the next ten minutes, Bucky explained to you how they had taken over the problem with whoever was trying to kidnap Kobik. Unfortunately, the situation was too big and too dire for them to have clearance to disclose what it was and why they wanted and needed Kobik. But it was safe to say that for now, she was safe.

“What about the parking lot?” you asked.

“I mean she fixed the apartment back to how it was, she could—”

Bucky shook his head.

“That would raise way too many questions. Ones we don’t want the world to have even more questions about. We just have to leave it be. Trust me…Kobik wasn’t thrilled about those orders from SWORD.”

You smiled.

“But…umm…”

You knew that you weren’t going to like what was going to come next.

He leads you to your room and sat you down on the bed.

“She really isn’t staying with us is she,” you sighed.

You took in a deep breath and tried not to cry. So this was really happening.

“There’s um…There’s a couple. They’re scientists that specialize and are top in their field in cosmic energy. And they’re really interested in her case.”

“As for what?” you questioned.

“A little lab rat? To live the same kind of life that she did in a lab like the one in Europe to study her?”

“She was happy there, Y/N. And they never treated her like a lab rat.”

“And she can be happy here, James,” you argued.

“Despite your argument about whether her old home wasn’t good enough, this is going to be different,” he reassured.

“How so?”

He took your hand in his.

“They’re a couple. They’ve wanted a child for a long time but it just never happened for them. When they heard about Kobik and saw her they were thrilled at the prospect of being able to keep her with them. They can help her the way that we can’t. But they can also give her the stability that we could.”

A pang of jealousy hit you. You wanted to be that for her. You wanted to be everything that they could be. But you weren’t. And you hated facing that.

“So you spoke to them?” you choked.

“How do you know that they can be trusted?”

Bucky used his hand to wipe away the stray tear that fell down your cheek.

“I met them.”

He smiled that specific smile that always reassured you that things were going to be okay.

“They’re lovely, Y/N. I think you’d really like them. In fact, Kobik is going to meet them tomorrow. And they want you to come.”

Good because you wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“The best part is that they only live an hour away. She can come to see us whenever she wants.”

You lit up and nearly burst into tears.

“Really?”

He nodded.

“See? She can still be a big sister…But like a sister permanently away at boarding school.”

You rolled your eyes. But you were so relieved that she wasn’t going to be far.

“She’s going to be okay. We’re all going to be okay.”

“Y/N? Is everything okay?” Kobik asked walking into the room.

Your heart felt warm again at the sight of her innocent features. No longer in terrible distress, but just like an innocent little girl again. And you realized that maybe she might have felt that way because she had hope. Hope that she wouldn’t be the cause of another disaster like the parking lot, or even worse.

“Hey Kobi,” you chimed.

“New nickname?” Bucky asked.

You shrugged.

Kobik jumped up on the bed and sat against you laying her head on your shoulder.

“Kobik, do you know where we’re going tomorrow?”

She turned to you looking a little sad. But nodded.

“Am I leaving you already?” she pouted.

Bucky shook his head.

“They want to get things ready for you first,” he stated.

“Tomorrow we’re just going to meet them. You can see how you like them. And I think you will.”

“They’re going to help me with my powers, right?”

There was a hopeful look in her eyes. This told you everything that you needed to know. She really did need help. And she wanted it.

You put your arm around her and gave her a comforting squeeze.

“Yeah, kiddo,” you said.

“But you know what? We’re going to be right here for you. And you can visit us any time you’d like.”

She smiled and leaned in to snuggle.

“She’s lucky to have you,” she sighed.

You frowned.

She?

“Who?”

“Her,” she said matter matter-of-factly and then pointed at your flat belly.

You paused and turned to Bucky who carried the same confused expression as you.

“Uh…Wait did she say?” he asked.

“How do you know that?” you questioned.

She shrugged.

“I felt her.”

You thought about when Kobik touched you and relived or rather felt your memories, including your emotions. But you didn’t think that she could feel your baby. Or if she even knew about it…Her…

“Well, Kobi,” you said softly, and still in complete shock.

“She’s gonna need a big sister. One that can come visit her every once in a while. You think you’re up for the job?”

She nodded happily.

“I can’t believe in 6 months I’ll be a big sister.”

Bucky’s eyes widened.

“I’m sorry…What?” he choked.

He narrowed his eyes at you.

“Six months? That means—”

You gave him a guilty look. How could you not have noticed for all of this time?

You and Bucky just stared at each other some more before Kobik poked you.

“Are you guys gonna be okay?” she asked.

“And can I have another grilled cheese on the counter?”

You would laugh if this wasn’t one of the most surreal and yet happiest moments in your life. But you still were at a loss for words.

Bucky intervened before you could answer.

“How about you both get food, and I’ll call your doctor since apparently, you have an aversion to it.”

You narrowed your eyes stuck your tongue at him and followed Kobik.

“Deal.”

Tagged: @buckylove123 @teenagedreams-bucky @typicalnerd98 @veroxloki @white-wolf-buckaroo @acciosiriusblack @pastel-boy-sungjae @flightsandfantasy @noiralei @unstablesleepygal

[utilitycaster]

yeah one plan I really wanna work on is an archive of tumblr metas for crit role campaign 3, to keep all the debunked theories remembered!

My only fear is whether it can be publicly accessible :(

Not sure about public screenshots of other peoples content (with links to the original post) without their consent, but an archive of just links is so much drier to click through.

How would you do it?

Hi anon,

You seem like a nice person, from this ask, who does not deserve the tirade I am about to unleash below so my answers in short are:

1. I think a fandom theory on a social media is a thing that most people will recognize might get cross posted so I would just summarize and link, were I to take on this project, which I will not be doing.

2. No idea how I'd make it publicly accessible; I'd probably either make a website, or a Google doc under an anonymous email address, neither of which are ideal, but no better options come to mind.

Anyway welcome to the consequences of entering my inbox. While writing this I enjoyed myself a lot but I was also like 'tbh this is probably why I don't get as many anons any more; it is because I am Gotdamn Annoying.'

So this was like, maybe 75% a shitpost, not in that I don’t genuinely believe it would be useful, but in that a comprehensive list is nearly impossible to do. Even if you limited yourself to Tumblr (ie, no Twitter or Reddit or god knows what else), you would necessarily be limiting yourself also to things that were tagged and/or got a decent amount of traction within the fandom as a whole.

I think there are a number of problems though. The first one is that while some theories can be debunked immediately upon their arrival into the primordial soup that is fandom, some may always remain technically possible, just vanishingly improbable, including some of my least favorites (cough secret dragons cough) because you cannot logically prove a negative unless you just outright ask the creators. And still others may be debunked - or proven - only after a very long time (eg: The Traveler is Artagan) and personally I want to only use this for debunked theories, so you'd necessarily need to keep a separate list of theories that are neither proven nor debunked, otherwise you just become a rehash of the, well, hash, that is the Wild Mass Guessing page on TVTropes rather than what I was specifically envisioning, namely, "this is a list of theories that were proven to be wrong, and here is why."

The second problem, which you may have guessed from my previous line, is that I come to bury these theories, not praise them*. I think some theories are good but ultimately incorrect and it's worth having them on display! I also think a lot of theories are bad, and that a good deal of theories aren't even really theories. You used the word meta, which I actually think of more as analysis than theories although the line between those two things is blurrier than most. But also, a lot of things people call theories or meta are, well, Wild Mass Guessing, headcanons/personal opinions, wishful thinking that has a tenuous relation to canon at best, and/or pure unadulterated nonsense. And I would include some of that, but not all, even though I often use the word 'theory' in a similarly loose way to kind of refer to anything that people are saying might be true in the story even if I think it's the ravings of a madman, even though my 'proper' definition of a theory would be an explanation that both answers an existing question and is supported by the existing text.

My point here is that I think some theories are best forgotten and my motivation is more accentuating the positive, pointing and laughing really hard at the negative, and ignoring a lot of the neutral headcanon-type stuff on the grounds that a neutral headcanon is your own private business and I respect that.

The third problem is curation. I have run into a similar issue with kind of shitpost projects that I did sort of take on and now languish and glare at me from the back of my mind when I am doing nothing on a weekend (specifically my attempt to make a personally useable Exandria timeline). Wiki-style editing has its benefits, but also significant drawbacks, because the same people who make pure unadulterated nonsense theories have the same editing power as people who are excellent at literary analysis, if not more. In an ideal world I would recommend putting something like this on the wiki, and there might even be a page now intended to serve a purpose akin to the WMG page on TVTropes (I did not bother to check), but in practice the CR wiki is currently under the thumb of someone who I will sum up briefly in Figure 1:

Fig 1: A Venn diagram.

Anyway, the fact is, the TVTropes WMG page has had things like "when the Mighty Nein fight Trent, Veth will get the HDYWTDT" even though that's not a theory and in fact by the nature of D&D is impossible to predict by any means. That's just a thing that would be kind of cool to happen. I worry that any true wiki format would fall to a similar fate. It would not actually be a list of debunked theories, telling the story both of interesting and genuinely good ideas from fandom that ultimately just did not turn out to be true, as well as some real clownshoes bullshit, but rather a bathroom wall on which to scrawl vague ideas.

So I think the only way to feasibly do this is to just spend time in the fandom and collect theories, like an anthropologist, and accept that you're going to miss some, and maybe have a Google Form for submission thereof that requires things like a post with a certain threshold of notes such that you can easily collect theories from others but are under no obligation to include every one. Even then this will be subject to personal bias, and while I personally love having executive control of things I also recognize the flaws of such a system. I would definitely include some kind of disclaimer along the lines of "This has opinions in it about theories; while the debunking is objective, whether or not it was a good theory prior to being debunked has some subjectivity involved."

*I know in the context of this line actually the speaker was in fact coming to praise the thing he said he was just going to bury; RIP to Marc Antony but I’m different.

[beastars-takes]

Zootopia Takes: The Power of Really Liking Each Other

Our main event, Beastars Takes, will resume soon, but in the meantime I want to talk about one of my favorite movie relationships:

Has this been talked about to death by other people? Yes. But this is my blog and I write it for free so I can do what I want.

Note: this is not a shipping post--this is just an examination of their canonical relationship in the movie and why it rules.

At first glance, this is your typical enemies-to-friends story. I love those. But while the typical arc tends to involve two characters who can’t stand each other, who eventually develop a grudging respect for one another (often through some kind of shared ordeal) and maybe thaw into actual friendliness at the end. Zootopia packs all of that into the first half--by the midway point they are clearly not just allies, but friends, and by the end of the film they’re inseparable.

It’s important to recognize this isn’t just for the hell of it, or just to be cute--the closeness and trust they build is the linchpin of their success in the final moments of the movie.

All the reasons why, after the jump.

Something I talked about in the previous post was the messaging of Zootopia, and I don’t want to rehash it too much here. It’s a movie about prejudice, and the work it takes to overcome it. A key theme (one that it shares with Beastars, incidentally) is that friendships with those who are different from you are hard--but they are worth it.

Part 1: They Hate Each Other! (Right?)

Now...it goes without saying that when these two first meet, they bounce off each other hard. Each is seeing the other at their absolute worst.

Judy can’t stand Nick because he takes every bit of optimism she has about this world and throws it back in her face. She want to use him as a prop in her vision of an equal society, where “not all foxes” are crooks. He laughs at her. He humiliates her. All he has to do is walk away, but he takes his time. He twists the knife.

For his part, Nick sees a laughably ineffectual bunny who condescends to him and threatens him with jail for the crime of...humiliating her. She may not personally be a threat to him, but she wields the institutional power of the ZPD--a power he has plenty of reason to be afraid of--and she does it irresponsibly.

On first viewing, Nick inarguably wins this exchange. He avoids arrest, reads her to absolute filth and leaves her stuck in cement.

And he makes her really sad. Nice!

But, and I don’t pretend to be the first person to have pointed this out, on second viewing it’s obvious he can guess her story so well because it’s basically his story. The only difference, in his mind, is that he’s accepted the reality that he’ll never be allowed to live the life he wants, while she is still vainly pursuing hers.

I don’t know about you, dear reader, but the people I’ve met who have always most pissed me off are the people who remind me of things I hate about myself. The people who seem to embody the flaws I’ve worked to minimize. Nick’s naive hope is what has brought him the most pain in his life. He sees this bunny full of the same naive hope, surmises that she’s facing the same failures he did and yet stubbornly refusing to learn from them. It’s irritating.

Pictured: irritation.

Maybe I am projecting, but if Nick is anything like me, he probably didn’t walk away entirely happy from this exchange. Yes, he “won,” but he was also reminded of everything about himself that he least wanted to think about.

Part 2: They Are Not Very Good at Hating Each Other

So, the thing about Judy is, she is naive. By default, she assumes people are her friend. But she’s not stupid.

Nick assumes she is stupid, not least because she hasn’t wisely given up on her dreams like he has, and...he learns that she maybe not so fun to pick on after all.

So they wind up doing the first part of this enemies-to-friends routine, allies of necessity.

So, naturally, because he is Him, he makes it his mission to torment her.

In fact, we get two whole scenes where all he does he does is watch her struggle and make this face.

The first read of this behavior is that he’s just enjoying the failures of someone he hates. He says as much later. But I would also argue--from a viewer’s perspective--Judy is ridiculously entertaining and charming throughout these encounters. She wears her heart on her sleeve, and it’s hard not to like people like that.

Is there more happening here than just schadenfreude? I won’t pretend to know for sure. But worth considering.

By the time they’re investigating the limousine, his sabotage has diminished into something more like gentle trolling. And you can’t see this face, in context...

...and tell me she isn’t starting to like him, at least a little bit.

He’s also starting to help! By the time they’re past the minor detour of almost being murdered by a mob boss, he’s entirely cooperative, helping her conduct interviews and look for clues. The movie doesn’t call particular attention to this, but it almost did.

Finally, let’s look at Nick’s behavior when they’re being chased by a rabid jaguar. He could have absolutely booked it, with no regard for the cop who was blackmailing him into helping her.

These moments go by so quickly, but they’re hugely revealing of his true character, even before he defends her in front of Chief Bogo.

He picks her up when she falls.

More importantly, when he gets to the skytram, his first instinct isn’t to jump in--it’s to hold the door for her:

He sees she can’t make it, and she even tells him to leave without her. He doesn’t. He holds the door until he can’t anymore, and as a result he’s nearly killed.

Nick is a good boy.

Part 3: They Are Friends Now

She save his life, so he saves her job. This is a key story beat, and it’s a Disney movie, so there’s not a lot of subtlety (except how the specular highlights in Judy’s eyes fade as Bogo asks for her badge--the light literally goes out of her. Go watch).

But it’s such a sweet moment of teamwork--he was contemptuous toward her from the start because she believed in herself. This is the first time she’s simply given up in the whole movie, and he steps up. Because he believes in her now.

And she believes in him! Or, she wants to.

Judy’s supportiveness here is sweet, but it’s also still a little selfish. It’s not that different from their interaction at the ice cream shop, really: she wants to meet a fox who defies stereotypes, who is easy for her to like. Someone who ticks all the boxes to prove her family wrong.

When he starts being more foxy, later--self-identifying as a predator, showing his claws, challenging her--we learn that her supportiveness is conditional.

Am I being too hard on her? Sure. She’s been in bunny country her whole life. She’s new to this and she’s trying. But that’s where she’s at.

But still! They’re friends now. They’re no longer pretending they don’t like each other. Judy’s openly encouraging, Nick is fully in her corner, and we get a few cute sequences where they keep being more and more impressed with each other.

He’s still not above affectionately messing with her, and she’s getting worse at pretending to dislike it.

And he trusts her enough to let her flush him down a toilet...

Which gives us this heartbreaking shot where he thinks she’s drowned. He cares a whole lot about this bunny.

She likes him too! Enough to want to team up on a more permanent basis. This is pretty standard-fare enemies-to-friends stuff now, but considering where we started, and considering they’ve known each other for all of two days? Not bad!

It’s clear this moment means far more to him than it does to her, too. It’s actually taken very little persuading from Judy to get him to step up and be brave and helpful and trustworthy. The fact that he’s turned around and opened up to her so fast suggests he’s been ready for an opportunity like this for his entire life, and never got it. I mean, look at his face.

The foundational flaw in her worldview is still there, though, and it’s about to do almost-irreparable damage to their whirlwind friendship.

Part 5: Fuck!

So Judy gives her press conference, and gives a great example of why police usually answer every question with “the matter is currently under investigation,” or “we’re not prepared to comment further at this time.” Honestly, though, this is on Bogo--I had coworkers who once did some press interviews, and they spent over a week doing media training. They didn’t even break a major kidnapping case. So, you know.

So she repeats some weird race science stuff she assumes is true because someone in a lab coat said it, which is amusingly similar to how race science (or “race realism”) often propagates--people with low-rent doctorates from crappy universities write a bunch of scientifically shoddy material and people say “well, he has a PhD!”

And then Nick has a PTSD flashback? I don’t want to be irresponsible and make an armchair diagnosis, but also...that is absolutely what is depicted on screen.

You’re not immediately “better” after something like this, which is why I cut Nick a bit of slack when he basically blows up their friendship.

Judy...doesn’t get it. It’s completely heartbreaking, because she likes him, and doesn’t understand why he’s mad, and isn’t self-reflective enough to stop and think maybe he has a point. Not until it’s too late. He tests her, and she fails.

Their friendship has always been a little inequal. He’s trusted her with everything, shown her his deepest vulnerabilities. She’s never trusted him completely.

So he leaves.

I don’t want to impugn her professionalism by suggesting she wouldn’t have quit the force if she hadn’t had that friendship-ending fight, but, you know. Maybe.

This is the second time she gives up, and this time he’s not there to pick her up again.

Judy is intensely goal-oriented, and I don’t think she realized what Nick’s friendship meant to her, as the first person in the city who truly believed in her, until it was too late. Judy is sweet and well-meaning but emotional intelligence is not really her strong suit (which is actually cool to see in a female Disney protagonist, imo).

So, while it would have been nice for her to track Nick down immediately and apologize, I think it makes sense for them to spend time apart. Her own self-perception has been shattered, and she needs time to figure out how she went so wrong.

So when she does come back, she delivers one of the best animated apologies I’ve ever seen. Only AtLA compares, in my mind.

Part 6: They Are Much Better Friends Now

Nick forgives her, because of course he does.

(Sidebar--people talk about how he kept her carrot pen the whole time they were apart. He also kept his handkerchief from Ranger Scouts, AND he only wears shirts that match the wallpaper in his mother’s house. He desperately needs a hug.)

Credit to Nick also, who can’t fight and has no police training whatsoever, who has multiple times been almost killed helping her out, now agreeing to help her out again. She’s not even threatening him with jail this time!

We, the viewers, are then rewarded with this great montage of them being best friends.

She’s finally stopped pretending not to be amused by his shenanigans.

(One other sidebar here--Nick is canonically a really gentle character. For all their adventuring, this is only time in the movie he gets physical with anyone: to protect the bunny. Again, he definitely can’t fight and immediately gets smacked across the room. But it’s the thought that counts, right?)

Per the post title, more visual evidence of them really liking each other.

Judy trips on a dead body, and here we get the second time in the movie that Judy tells Nick to leave without her, and he won’t--this time, he refuses explicitly.

Which then gives us the opportunity for the big moment--the culmination of all this care and intimacy and trust.

In order to con Bellwether, she lets him stalk her, and bite her throat. This has been often pointed out, but it’s important--throughout the movie, Judy’s wriggling rabbit nose has been used as a signifier of fear and suspicion. It wriggles when she’s spying on Nick at the beginning. It wriggles like hell when he confronts her after her press conference.

Not here. Doesn’t move. It’s a great, clearly intentional animation choice that tells a close observer (or more likely, a repeat viewer) that she’s completely unafraid.

She trusts him.

I could write a whole other post about how well-scripted this movie is, how every scene is doing half a dozen different things, but the way the personal and the professional come together here, the way the threads of prejudice and friendship and the police case all tie together in this moment. It’s good shit.

This is basically where things end, in terms of character development, but we get a bunch more shots of them clearly adoring each other:

So there it is.

To sum up, certainly not suggesting this movie invented “characters liking each other,” or anything like that. But it goes above and beyond in portraying a friendship that’s not just one born of circumstance, one that’s authentic and unmistakably loving. Characters who enjoy spending time with each other, regardless of what’s going on around them.

I hope everyone is able to experience friendships like that. I absolutely treasure the few I have.

Appendix: The Shipping Thing

I hope I’ve made all this ship-agnostic, which was my intention. I personally like the ship, and I think the reason it resonates with people is because that love and trust and closeness is clearly there, and a romantic relationship creates a lot more easy opportunities for dialing those things up even higher.

I would also argue, if pressed, that the amount of teasing and physicality that happens reads as pretty flirty. If they were humans I knew in real life, I’d definitely think there was something going on there. But I’m an American, where touching and emotional intimacy tends to be read as romantic. Also, animals are a lot more cuddly than humans. So who knows? I think it’s perfectly reasonable to read them as platonic friends until the end of time.

But, one way or another, they love each other a lot. Shout out to this, one of the most emotionally rewarding relationships I’ve ever seen in a cartoon.

[undyingsunshine]

Thanks @cross-d-a and @jockvillagersonly for the tag!!! 💙💙

Name: undyingsunshine

I've been on the internet for a whole 10-12 years, and I've had quite a few name changes xD The most recent change was 2017, and it wasn't until I made this tumblr and my new AO3 a few months ago that I realised how difficult it is to choose a user/name that I connected with. I wanted to keep my DMBJ fandom posting and the rest of my online shenanigans relatively separate, which is why I didn't just use my default name ^^ As for what this username means/comes from... It was actually kind of a reference to the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I was going to go with "EternalSunshine" but I felt like undying sounded better, and also felt more like its own thing. ^^ Undying could also be seen as a reference to ZQL's immortality xD Sunshine is such a lovely word and I most often use it in reference to my two NCT biases, as well as most other things that make me happy. It's so warm and bright and basically everything I wish to be! ((oh and also... may or may not remind me of Funshine Bear from Care Bears))

Fandom

I've been in too many to count! Right now, we're in DMBJ hell and I'm loving it so far!!! Everyone's just...so sweet? and kind? and funny???? Honestly I was really worried about interacting with people at first, but now I feel a bit more comfortable in doing so!

Tropes

I'm not actually sure what tropes I like xD I mostly just read something if I like the premise or if it's from a writer I like! That being said, I tend to be drawn to (soft) whump/hurt/comfort or sickfics cause they're just too cute ;^; And they can really bring out a lot of character moments, or demonstrate good relationships between characters. If your story has whump/hurt/comfort and a fandom I like, chances are that I'll try it out! This is also the kind of fic that I write the most. If you want 10 relatively similar sickfics written, I'm the girl to ask XD

Fic I spent most time on

Technically I have a fic for another fandom that I worked on for around two years that I never actually finished ^^;  I dropped it in the middle of a total rewrite, and I hope some day I can go back to it and finish it for the sake of the readers xD

For DMBJ, the fic I've spent most time on is probably 'I'm Here' since I've been working on it for... months xD I am an extremely slow writer and I'm trying not to be sorry about it bcs everyone had their own pace, and it just so happens that mine is equivalent to a sloth xD

Favourite fic(s) you've written

Probably the same fic I talked about in the previous answer! It has a special place in my heart. I also don't mind I'm Here too much! There some personal wips that I quite like too, but I'm not sure if I'm up for sharing them yet xD

Fic I spent least time on

Probably the "Li Cu fucking Dies" fic, otherwise titled "Come with me, I promise the water is fine."  It's pretty much just a slight rehash of a post I made that I then turned into a fic. There wasn't a whole lot of time spent on it, mostly for the sake of my own poor heart xD

Longest fic

Definitely the fic I spent most time on. It was around 39K words, which isn't a lot but, again, I am a slow writer xD

Shortest fic

Definitely "Come with me..." which is around 370 words! Unless I was to dredge up a REALLY REALLY REALLY OLD pokemon fanfic I wrote when I was 11. I doubt that any of the chapters got past the 100 word mark xD

Most hits/kudos/comments/bookmarks: 

The unnamed long fic returns! Definitely my most popular fic by far.

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: 

Definitely would rewrite the unnamed fic and I think I might add onto I'm Here's universe? Or maybe the AU where Li Cu is dead.

Share a bit of a WIP:

Ok this comes from a dumb fic idea that I had where Li Cu and his snake spirit argue constantly, but Li Cu often argues his points out loud, and people catch him talking to himself too many times xD Of course, after this snippet it turns a little angsty (because Wu Xie and Li Cu's angst towards each other is Eternal around here) but I cut it out since I don't post enough fluffy-ish content xD

You need sleep.

"Not at 7 in the evening!" Li Cu protested in frustration. "I have work to do-"

"Are you arguing with yourself?"

Uh oh.

Li Cu is frozen on the spot for a moment, blinking stupefied at the wall. A new wave of emotions eclipses his anger, and instead he's drowned out with embarrassment, anxiety and slight panic.

He turns around slowly to see Wu Xie standing behind the couch, watching him with undisguised amusement, those clever eyes already beginning to deconstruct Li Cu in the same way Li Cu used to deconstruct pens as a kid.

Or. Maybe not as clumsily. Wu Xie's innate ability to read others was more like how a clocksmith seamlessly pieces together all the intricacies of, well.... a clock...

Where the fuck was he even taking this?

The point is, Wu Xie is a crafty bastard who knows his way around people - especially ones like Li Cu who basically wear their heart on their sleeve. Or if you want to be more accurate, right on his fucking forehead like that weird headband game.

Li Cu swallows his panic with the intensity of a man starved.

"Uh... I uh... No...?" Smooth. "Not... Not really...?"

Wu Xie raises an eyebrow and levels Li Cu with a disbelieving grin.

"Oh really? Who are you talking to, then?"

"I mean... You right now, if we're being--"

"Alright smartass, who were you talking to before I came in? The wall? A ghost?"

Well, he's technically not wrong there...

"I... Ah...."

You are quite inept at this.

"Shut it!"

And there we go!!! Sorry if this ate up ppl's dashes ;;; I'm tagging @tbx12 @traineecryptid and @strandedchesspiece ((don't feel pressured to do it!! ♡♡ It's fine if you can't/don't want to ^^)) and anyone else who sees this and wants to give it a go!!

[chibi-chaos]

The Problem with the Sims 4 Packs

As once more EA proceeds to let us all down, I decided to pitch in my thoughts having now for about two years having played the sims and seen no point in buying all the packs, and feeling cheated with the packs I do have.

1. There is a noticeable difference between older and newer packs

Some of the older packs feel less filled when compared to say some of the newer packs. Which I suppose is to be expected when a game evolves. But did it really evolve much?

2. Despite it’s ‘evolution’ there are still newer packs that REALLY could have been executed or at the lest presented better.

Realm of Magic for one. LUXURY PARTY. With weird builds, an absence of items, or smaller amount of things.

3. Repeated failure to listen to the community

The fact that is too so bloody long for them to address the need for better skin tones is infuriating and should not be happening in a time where the need for P.O.C representation has been highlighted

Babies, cars, more elements of toddlers/elders. Literally it’s been time and time again CC (custom content players who have come to the floor)

4. There are packs which should have been put together, it very clear from theme and purpose.

Cats and Dogs - My First Pet Stuff (so a DLC for a DLC), Parenthood - Toddler - Kids room (even if Toddler and kids were combined it would feel a little less of a money grab especially with how neglected toddler/kids outfits are with EA), Perfect Porch - Backyard - Romantic Garden (three stuff packs for the outside some might say I am stretching this but why was three stuff packs for the exterior needed?), Bowling Night - Movie Hangout (the theme of friends hanging out and having fun inspired by retro looks). One could even Seasons with Backyard.

5. THE Money Grab. Whenever EA has made a ‘deal’ with another company to ‘collaborate’ it has resulted in something subpar. Mac. Moschino (which feels like it’s an extension of Get Famous). And lastly the most infamous one STAR WARS Journey to Batuu. Cause it wouldn’t be Disney if they weren’t putting their foot into everything.

A person who likes to play star wars games would not play it on the Sims4 - and a person who likes Sims4 potentially would not play something involving Star Wars.

The way I put it when I saw it coming out “Star Wars is action, fights (in space and on planet), rebellion and space travel. A fan who wants to play Star Wars would buy something like Fallen Order, it covers all these aspects and has both a wider range of skills and a story line which is a lot better than whatever story they go for this. A sims4 game story mode isn't as diverse or in-depth as a game entirely made for a story. missions become a chore list, and a struggle to find things”.

And surprise surprise the game-play was far from impressive.All in all the pack only served as an advertisement for Disney’s Galaxy Edge, and contributed nothing to the wider Sims4 game or it’s community. Also of note is that the lightsaber skill potentially is just the sword fighting skill of Get Famous rehashed

6. The brewing potential cash grab in the works. Kits.

Not only is it weird to be getting a new type of pack after so long, but we’re getting THREE at the same time. Is this foreshadowing to the frequency? The argument is the role of the kit will be to allow people to ENHANCE how an individual wants their gameplay to be - but when these seem to come in small forms comparable to those ‘celebration gifts’ we get for special days or even like with updates - it makes you wonder why we have to pay an unclear amount for these. Especially when you consider:

Kit 1: Sims4 Throwback Fit kit - this kit is about retro-inspired athleisure looks.

Aesthetic? Looks like Snowy Escape but also has the retro vibe/aim of Bowling Night and Movie Hangout.

Gameplay contribution? Seemingly Fitness Stuff but expanded.

Kit 2: Sims4 Bust the Dust kit - cleaning your house (something you’d think you wouldn’t have to pay for, for a LIFE SIMULATOR.)

Aesthetic? Yet to be determined

Gameplay contributions: it can be noted there seems to be dust bunnies that give a vibe of Paranomal’s Spectrals, Then there’s the obvious Laundry Day. Mixed with Eco-Lifestyle where some of the vacuums designed look to be VERY similar to the device you make in Eco-Lifestyle to clean the atmosphere.

Kit 3: Sims4 Country Kitchen Set - vintage style appliances and decorative pieces for the kitchen.

Aesthetic? Besides farming pack people have asked for without the farming. it feels to be 1. the missing kitchen part of Paranormal, 2. the missing kitchen part of Cats and Dogs.

Gameplay Contribution? Yet to be determined. Potentially served the same purpose as cool kitchen.

Overall it’s hard to be confident that these were not items rejected for previous packs making the cycle back. Or that these will be like prevalent micro-transactions. The argument could be made that many of these are older pack they are similar to but EA could have ensure consistent quality but adding to the older packs.

And even more so regardless of the cost EA has been be REAL careful cause some stuff packs may end up looking like kit pack and more expensive, and any person with common sense would not be happy with that.

7. The COST, with 10 Expansion Packs, 9 Game Packs, 18 stuff packs the price is HEAVY. In AUD

Expansion Packs - 49.99.  On sale 50% off                      = 24.99. There are 10 of these

Game packs        - 29.99. On sale 25% off                        = 22.49. There are 9 of these.

Stuff packs          - 14.99. On sale between 15%-20% off. = 11.24 - 12.74. There are 18 of these.

Bundles come out as 59.99. On sale at 10% off                = 53.99 There’s a maximum of nine as of February, 2021)

This means the complete the full pack you pay one of these ways:

Everything pull price:

(49.99*10)+(29.99*9)+(14.99*18) = $1039.68

Bundles and Full prices:

(59.99*9)+(49.99)+(14.99+9)        = $724.81

Pure Sales:

(24.99*10)+(22.49*9)+(12.74*18) = $681.63

Cheapest occasional Sales of Stuff Packs:

(24.99*10)+(22.49*9)+(11.24*18) = $654.63

Sales Bundles and Prices:

(53.99*9)+(24.99)+(12.74*9) = $625.56

Sales Bundles and Prices with the cheapest sale for stuff packs:

(53.99*9)+(24.99)+(11.24*9) = $612.06

Is the Sims4 worth $612.06 to 1039.68? I’d dare say the answer would be an easy NO.

[iamdeltas]

001 agatha/wanda

(Can I just say, I find it very amusing how pretty much every time I've reblogged a fandom related ask meme within the past few months, I without fail get at least one Agatha-related ask? You guys know me well. Either that or you saw my icon and tumblr title and took a wild guess at what character I probably like haha)

001 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when I started shipping it if I did: TBH I don't know if I ship them, as in, I'm not incredibly invested or anything (as is usual for me with most ships), but I guess I casually ship them? As in, I Just Think They'd Be Neat! And that pretty much started after episode 8. I'd seen a gifset after episode 1 with Agatha and Wanda with the caption "Harold..." and I was like 👀 but I hadn't honestly thought much about the idea of them as a ship until seeing their dynamic in episode 8 because wow was that an interesting mix of fascination and hatred, especially on Agatha's end! I was very intrigued.

my thoughts: I Just Think They'd Be Neat. Like I said, I loved their dynamic, whether in the sitcom bits or in the In Real Life bits, and, I mean, who doesn't love a ship between foils, you know? (Definitely read an interview with Jac Schaeffer talking about how they're both kind of similar in that they're both a mix of good and bad so I sure felt vindicated!) I think they're more similar than either of them would care to admit and it'd be cool to see them having to maybe reluctantly team up and learn more about each other and admit/realize their surprising similarities.

What makes me happy about them: I dunno? I guess the possibilities there are for character dynamics with them?

What makes me sad about them: Uh. IDK. Maybe the fact that I'm really worried we'll never actually see them interact again and that we might never even see Agatha again (there's a part of me that's insistent that, look, if the MCU, which does kill off a majority of its villains, kept Agatha alive, that probably means they're gonna bring her back! But then the rest of me is like, this is the MCU, fool! Lower your expectations!) or if we see her again, she'll be mischaracterized or she'll not have learned from her previous encounter and will just. try to take Wanda's magic again, and words cannot state how much I Do Not Want That. I want to see Change and Growth dammit! Not just a rehash of their last encounter!

things done in fanfic that annoys me: Honestly I don't read a lot of fanfic for them. I might sometimes venture into their AO3 tag out of curiosity but most fanfic I read nowadays in general just comes from friends' recommendations, and most of their fic recs are from other fandoms soooo. But I guess one thing I've seen that irks me a tad is when fics rush through the "enemies to friends" part of the "enemies to friends to lovers" thing. I guess this is just a general enemies to lovers thing but I have seen this in a few Wanda/Agatha fics and... I get the impulse, but I really enjoy that slow journey from hatred to tolerance to learning more about each other to, not liking quite yet, but a mutual understanding, to actually enjoying each other's company to finally maybe being friends? to oh shit, maybe there's some other feelings here! to lovers. And also it just doesn't make character sense for them to, IDK, have sex with each other after a couple of chapters, especially if it's canon compliant! At this point in canon, both of them would hate each other for totally reasonable reasons! Wanda would hate Agatha for, y'know, the whole manipulating her and threatening her kids thing. Agatha would hate Wanda for, oh, I dunno, imprisoning her in her own mind behind a Nosy Neighbor Sitcom Persona. They've got some shit to work through! Let me see that process!

things I look for in fanfic: Same as with any fanfic really--good characterizations. Good characterizations will sell me on any premise, even AUs I'm normally not a fan of. (Except maybe high school AUs.)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Easy answer for Wanda: Vision. Look, they're very cute together. For Agatha, honestly, the sky's the limit. I don't have any preference and there are a lot of interesting possibilities. I once saw Agatha/Hela as a suggestion which was intriguing as hell. Also I would like to see Agatha and Nebula interact, mostly cuz I think their dynamic would be really fun and hilarious, though I do mainly mean as friends BUT I wouldn't be opposed to seeing romantic shippiness either, sooo....

My happily ever after for them: Not entirely sure. Just something involving Wanda getting to find love again, Agatha learning to care about someone other than herself for the first time in a long time, and them just... being happy together, I guess? I can't see Agatha ever getting into the heroing biz but I can see her just becoming a fun Chaotic Neutral presence just watching Wanda do her superhero thing.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: I think they switch, tbh.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Probably doing magic together.

[ais-n]

Why do Boyd/Hsin work? (anon ask)

I moved this ask over from a different place where the person sent a number of questions, as they were unable to get it to fit in tumblr’s space restrictions. In case they didn’t want their name known, I’m referring to them as an anon. But I thought they had good questions others may be curious about as well so I’ll be putting them (and the answers) over here.

ANON ASKED:

I think you mentioned somewhere that at some point during the writing process you guys thought that Boyd and Sin would fall for each other, and that’s how the idea was born. Why do you think, personally, that they fit so well as a couple, and what made you decide that they would fall for each other?

Yep, you remember correctly :) So basically we started ICoS just to fuck around, honestly, because we were bored. Because we didn’t figure it would become a thing, we thought that rather than wasting all our energy/motivation/excitement on character creation and some in depth setting on another world or something, we’d be best off doing something in our world, kind of our times, kind of dystopian, and then to pull in characters we had created for roleplaying games elsewhere that we didn’t get to play as fully as we wanted, or we thought would be fun to play more here.

Sin came from one game, Boyd from another. We knew Sin was going to be "Sonny’s” main character pretty early into it, if I recall correctly, but I didn’t know which of my characters I wanted to bring over. I initially threw out Boyd as an option because I thought the juxtaposition would be really funny, and because I liked him as a character but he barely got anywhere in the other rpg. (Lou came from that RPG too, btw, as did Vivienne and Cedrick of course)

The point at which we realized they would fall for each other was practically right away - we wrote like, I don’t even remember, 4 scenes or something? And already they were seeming like they had great chemistry and wanted to flirt and just somehow, bizarrely, felt like they would gravitate toward each other. 

I don’t know how to explain how we knew without probably sounding like a lunatic, but to me characters are people - and most of the time, I kind of take my cues from them as to what they think, what they would do, how they feel, etc. I know they aren’t real, I know they don’t exist in our world, but maybe I just get interested in the psychology of characters and because I’m an empathetic person, maybe I just naturally start thinking of them in terms of what they want and how that affects what I had thought I had planned for the story.

It was just one of those things where we realized as soon as we had those two characters in the same room as each other, as soon as we tried writing a scene that we had intended to establish them as partners who didn’t get along and who didn’t trust each other and who would never be particularly close, we realized both of them kept somehow responding to the other character in a way that showed they had chemistry and they would like each other. Maybe even love each other, given the chance.

So we started writing the story over again, reworking it this time with the knowledge that they wanted to be a thing, so now it would be a story with a romance, instead of just a story. But being that they were both super messed up, of course that whole journey to love in any way that’s even remotely healthy was a process in and of itself.

(Sorry for rehashing all that since you remember that - but wanted to say all that for anyone who hadn’t seen the context on the previous posts where I talked about that)

As for why they fit so well, honestly I think it’s because of their base characteristics and their default tendencies, and a lot of it too is their backgrounds. It seems like their backgrounds were made to create characters that fit each other so well as a result but that was totally a coincidence that they each already had backgrounds we’d individually decided which ended in life experiences forming the characteristics that drew each other to them.

So, for example, Sin doesn’t trust almost anyone in the beginning of the series; he’s used to being used, he’s cynical, he kind of hates people, and he just doesn’t have much faith in humanity or humans because people have shown him time and time again that they will turn on him if given the chance, or they don’t really see him as a person, or they do but he can’t help feeling like they have an ulterior motive in it all. Then Boyd comes along, and he doesn’t have an ulterior motive whatsoever; he just genuinely does not have any preconceived judgment of Hsin, he doesn’t care either way about him at first, he doesn’t treat him like shit like so many other people have Hsin’s whole life. He just kind of treats him like a person, for good and for bad. Which means they have arguments and they have good moments. They find they have similarities in some things and are way different in other.

I think it’s the fact that Boyd was willing to judge Sin on Sin’s actual actions and actual words instead of basing things on fears, rumors, or the like, that over time made Sin realize Boyd was different. Similarly, how Boyd stood up for Sin even at his own personal detriment, when no one else had in quite the same way. The fact that Boyd cared so little for himself he was even perfectly comfortable sacrificing himself for Sin’s benefit even when they weren’t friends. I think that the fact that Boyd didn’t give a shit about anything, that he only was interested in seeing Sin for who Sin was and not what everyone thought him to be, was something that really spoke to Sin and helped him slowly come out of his shell. And made him feel comfortable starting to trust others on his own terms, and even fall in love, and feel safe doing so in the long run. 

As for Boyd, he also was used to a certain treatment in his life, which was at times indifferent, at other times even cruel. He was used to people judging him by his looks, his family, all sorts of things. He was used to people hurting him. And he was used to losing the only people who had cared about him. He was, in short, used to suffering. He just wanted to die and be done with it all.

Similar to how Boyd didn’t judge Sin for what others judged him as, Sin didn’t seem to treat Boyd the way he was used to - or at least, not for the same reasons. Over time, it let him feel like it was okay to be himself; that he wasn’t inherently wrong for being born, or for how he was born, or for being alive until now. I think for Boyd the fact that Sin was so ridiculously strong and powerful was a relief; it made him feel, on some level, that he wouldn’t break and destroy and kill Sin just by being in his life, the way he felt he had for his dad and Lou. 

In the end, I think they both just happened to be the right kind of person to make the other person feel like it was safe to slowly grow into who they were at the core of themselves without all the trauma of the past being the only thing that dictated their present. They each ended up being the right collection of characteristics to let the other person feel loved, and feel safe loving in return.

Of course, because of all that trauma and everything else contextually in their lives, the process of coming to that realization was a long one, and had a lot of ups and downs, and a lot of unhealthy behavior along the way. They aren’t always the healthiest for each other as they grow, but I do think they were what each other needed to, in the very long run, trust in the world to some extent, and through that learn to trust in themselves.

[findingyouagain]

𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙱𝙸𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚁 𝙾𝙵 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙷 ( 𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝙾𝙽𝙴 ).

Feelings could override facts, as facts could alter feelings. Choose the truth first, rather than following after feelings. — Anthony Liccione

"At least you're up on time this morning."

Kennedy glanced up from her spot on the kitchen counter, a bowl of Cheerios in her left hand and a spoon in her right, her feet kicking back and forth in the air. She watched as her father, still dressed in his pajama pants and robe, made his way to the fridge, pulling out the orange juice and setting the carton on the counter next to her.

Kennedy took another bite of cereal. "To be fair, I was on time yesterday morning as well, just not Monday."

"Or last night," Bryan quipped as he opened the cabinet above Kennedy's head and grabbed a clear glass.

Kennedy shrugged, having no desire to rehash the breaking of her curfew from the previous night. Instead, she pointed at her father's attire with the end of her spoon. "No work today I see?"

Shaking his head, Bryan poured the orange juice into his glass. "Don't try and change the subject, Kenn. You know, I should ground you for coming home late."

"Extreme circumstances, Dad.," she huffed. Kennedy jumped down from the counter and walked over to the sink, turning the faucet on. She washed the last bit of Cheerios and milk down the drain. "Like I told you last night—Vicki Donovan got attacked by a cougar or mountain lion or something, and I called 911, meaning I had to stick around to give my statement to the police. That's why I was late."

"That excuse would work except you didn't bother to call me or your mom to inform us what was going on."

Kennedy sighed, placing the dirty bowl in the dishwasher. "Again, after I got off the call with the police, my phone died, and I was a little busy trying to make sure Oliver didn't go full-freak out mode on an ambulance driver—look, are we just going to repeat our entire conversation from last night? Because if so, let's skip to the part where you've decided to ground me anyway despite the fact that I already said I'm sorry." She leaned against the counter and glanced down at her watch. Bonnie and Elena would be pulling into the driveway soon. "It won't happen again, I promise."

Bryan sipped his orange juice, staring at Kennedy with uncertain eyes. It wasn't that he didn't trust his daughter. He did. She was one of the most responsible teenagers in Mystic Falls (even if she could backtalk her way out of most problems, even if he did let her get away with sneaking out with Oliver to go to parties every so often, even if he did notice that occasionally the bourbon in his home office would be a little lower than usual right around finals week in school); however, he was worried something extreme might happen again, and instead of Vicki Donovan or some other kid, Kennedy would be the one in danger. "Okay, I'm not going to ground you. If I did, I'd be going back on what I told you last night. But—and this is an important but—you have to respect the curfew from now on. No second chances, Kennedy."

"Thank you, thank you!" Kennedy squealed as she bit back the urge to reply this was her second chance. She rushed up and wrapped Bryan in a hug, almost causing his juice to spill out of the glass still in his hand.

"You're welcome."

Releasing her father from the hug, Kennedy stepped back and leaned against the counter. "And I can still go with Bonnie to her grandmother's house for dinner? You'll cover for me at church, yeah?"

A honk blared through the house, and Kennedy looked out the window to see Bonnie's Prius pulling into the driveway. "Yes, but I'm sure Pastor Young will miss your help at bible study. Now, go to school." She nodded, grabbing her backpack off the table. "And expect there to be extra chores around the house that need your attention this week!"

"Love you too!"

Two hours later, Kennedy tapped a red pen against her desk in Mr. Tanner's classroom. Having finished stapling the class's first homework assignment together, her notebook lay open in front of her, revealing the sketched beginnings of a crow. Tanner stood in the front of the classroom, where he paced back and forth in front of his desk like he did every day. However, today he seemed to be ending class on a current local event rather than U.S. History.

"Originally discovered nearly 5 centuries ago, it hasn't been seen above Mystic Falls in over 145 years. Now, the comet will be its brightest right after dusk during tomorrow's celebration—are we bothering you?" Kennedy glances up to see Mr. Tanner standing over Elena's desk. She followed his gaze as he glanced over to Stefan before his eyes landed back on Elena. "Mr. Salvatore? Ms. Gilbert?"

The duo dropped their gazes, and Kennedy rolled her eyes. Her friend had never quite learned the art of discretion. She recalled last year, before Matt and Elena had started dating, Elena had been infatuated with Jason, one of Kennedy's teammates from track, and had been called out a few times by Mr. Tanner for the same longing glances.

The bell rang, and the class gathered their bags. Kennedy stood up, slinging her book bag onto her back and grabbing the homework assignments with one hand and her notebook and pen with the other.

"Here you go, Mr. Tanner," she said when she reached his desk. He took the stack of papers, acknowledging her with a nod before going to erase his chalkboard for the next class. Taking that as her cue to leave, Kennedy walked out of the room.

Students crowded the hall, pushing and shoving each other on their way to their next classes. Some lingered by their lockers, chatting with each other about homework assignments and awful teachers. It was only the third day of school, and already the students of Mystic Falls High were ready for the year to be over so they could hang around their houses all day long. Spotting Bonnie and Caroline, Kennedy hurried in their direction, leaving behind the two lovebirds and their discussion on Emily Bronte behind her.

"I'm confused. Are you psychic or clairvoyant?" Caroline asked as Kennedy began to walk in step next to the blonde.

Bonnie shot her a smile before answering. "Technically, Grams says I'm a witch. My ancestors were these really cool Salem witch chicks or something. Grams tried to explain it all, but she was looped on the liquor, so I kinda tuned out. Crazy family? Yes. Witches? I don't think so."

Kennedy laughed as the trio turned a corner. "She's been saying your guys were witches since we were kids, Bon. I don't think she's been looped on the liquor the past seventeen years."

Bonnie stopped short in the hallway, green eyes narrowing at Kennedy. "You think I'm a witch?"

Shrugging, Kennedy shook her head. "Nah, just stating an observation. A witch does sound pretty far-fetched, but you could be psychic, you know? There's thousands of people across the world who claim to be able to see the future or talk to ghosts. Not nearly as crazy sounding as a witch."

Bonnie rolled her eyes at her friend and opened her mouth to remark, but Caroline beat her to it. "Yeah, well, Bonnie, feel free to conjure up the name and number of that guy from last night."

"I didn't see him," Bonnie argued, smile lining her face. "You did. Why didn't you just talk to him?"

"I don't know. I was drunk."

Eyes furrowing in confusion, Kennedy glanced away from the bright pink poster on the wall that had caught her gaze and back to the blonde. Had she missed something after she had left the Grill? "What guy?"

"Oh, just some dude who showed up after you left." Bonnie shrugged her shoulders, fingers moving to twist the long necklace she was wearing. "I don't know why she's so infatuated though. She didn't even talk to him."

"Because he was hot. Capital H-O-T—hot," Caroline interjected with a giggle. Her grin was wide and contagious, and Kennedy felt a smile of her own reach her face. Now, she wished she had stayed around just a bit longer to get a glimpse at the guy the duo was referring to, even if it would have resulted in her actually being grounded.

All three girls giggled. Before they knew it, the bell rang again, and they departed off to their separate classes.

By the time her sixth and final period of the day came, Kennedy realized she hadn't spotted Oliver all day. Other than Calculus, the two didn't have any classes together, but they would normally, along with Vicki and occasionally the rest of the gang, sit and have lunch together outside if the weather was nice. However, if it was rainy or too cold, Kennedy tended to find herself in the school's library instead.

She glanced to the seat next to her, ignoring Mrs. Halpern as she began to describe limits in her nasally voice, and sighed as it remained empty. So, Oliver was definitely not at school then. Knowing she would have to be subtle about it, Kennedy pulled out her phone, kept it placed strategically in her lap, hidden under the notebook she had hovering over the back edge of the desk, and began typing.

Where are you? You're missing a fantastic lecture about limits. I thought you were excited to be able to use that Mean Girls quote and understand why it didn't exist.

Well, that might have been a lie. It was more that Caroline hadn't stopped talking about the fact that Kennedy was going to be able to explain the math behind said quote so the younger blonde could finally use it without anyone trying to call her too dumb to understand the reference.

Her phone screen lit up, and she felt the soft buzz of the device vibrating against her pants. At the hospital visiting Vicki, but I'm sure Mrs. Halpern's lecture would be more fantastic if she didn't sound like Fran Drescher.

Kennedy couldn't argue with him there. She felt bad though. She had almost forgotten all about Vicki's attack from the previous night since arriving at school. Despite Oliver being Kennedy's best friend, Vicki's presence or lack thereof was usually below her radar. The two seniors just did not get along, and both had very strong opinions on what was better for the blond. Kennedy didn't feel like Vicki was going anywhere with her life other than where the next hit from her blunt took her, and she did not want Vicki to bring Oliver down with her. He could go places, was smart enough to go places even if he sometimes lacked the needed motivation, but that was what she was here for—to be his friend and push him to succeed.

But it also meant checking on him emotionally, which today, meant asking about Vicki.

Is she feeling any better? she typed out before locking her phone and returning to her notebook. She wasn't really taking notes since Mrs. Halpern recorded the lectures and placed them on the school website so students could look back at them later. Instead, she had continued the drawing she had begun working on this morning: a crow sketched out in red ink on lined wide ruled paper. She scribbled back and forth in a triangular movement across the paper, attempting for the fourth time that period to get the beak right. It always looked too jagged or too sharp.

A glance back at her phone. Better. I got here a little after Matt, but she's still kinda out of it. Sounds like she might be released tomorrow though.

That's good. I hope she feels better soon. That's such a crazy thing to have happened to someone. Did they ever figure out what type of animal attacked her?

Mrs. Halpern cleared her throat, and Kennedy glanced up to see a very pointed look directed at her from the calculus teacher. She gave a soft nod and made to put away her phone, but the device buzzed once more as a new message lit up her screen. They said it was probably just a mountain lion. But, according to Matt, Vic was so out of it earlier she told him it had been a vampire that attacked her. Gotta love strong pain meds, right?

Kennedy rolled her eyes before tossing the phone back into her backpack and releasing a soft sigh. She picked her pen back up, brown eyes focusing on the sketch in front of her. The crow sat in the same position as before, caught mid-flight in a clear sky, wings spread out and beady eyes staring ahead. It was the beak, however, that she had taken interest in again, mostly because the beak no longer resembled that of a crow but, somewhere along the course of her doodling, had taken on the fang-like features of a bat.

A vampire crow, she thought as she shook her head. Way to keep your art realistic.

With her earbuds in, Kennedy hummed along to "When You Were Young" by the Killers as it came through the small speakers into her ears. She stood in the middle of the history section of the public library, thumbing through and picking out misplaced books onto the gray metal cart she pushed. Work had only started an hour ago and already she was bored. She had tutored a seventh grader in Pre-Algebra at the beginning of her shift, but the younger girl only had a few math problems to solve, so Kennedy had been freed quickly to begin restocking the bookshelves and updating the online catalogue.

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined, when you were young.

She nodded along to the beat, picking up the memoir from the Civil War and sliding it between two other books on the wooden shelf. Glancing down at the pager attached to her hip, she wondered briefly if the front desk needed any help. That was what the pager was for, so on the rare occasion the library got swamped and no one could spare the time to look for her, Mrs. Karp could notify her they needed help downstairs.

They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet. You don't have to drink right now, but you can dip your feet, every once in a little while.

Something cold and rough touched her shoulder, and Kennedy jumped, chocolate brown eyes widening as she whipped around, coming face to chest with a black cotton t-shirt. Titling her head upward, Kennedy met the man's amused blue eyes before letting out a soft sigh. That was the third time that week he had managed to sneak up on her like that. It had to be a weird coincidence. Mystic Falls was a small town, and everyone came to the library at one point in their lifetime. She'd even spotted Mayor Lockwood in here every once in a while, browsing through the library's portion of the Founder's Archives.

She pulled out her earbuds, wrapping them around her phone and stuffing the object back into her jean pocket. "Uh—" she muttered, hand moving to scratch at the back of her neck. Why was she suddenly so awkward? Sure, the man was attractive, but if there was one place Kennedy felt the most confident and at home, it was the library…well, with the track and field coming in as a close second.

"Sorry," he apologized, blue eyes racking over her small form. "I didn't mean to scare you, but in my defense, I've been trying to grab your attention for at least three minutes now."

"You have?" she asked, not having realized how absorbed she had been in her work or how loud her music must have been. "I mean—um, how can I help you?"

Kennedy watched as he laughed lightly at her uneasiness and pushed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. His blue eyes never left her face. "The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice? Do you guys have a copy? I can't seem to find it anywhere, and I've been itching to read it again."

"Anne Rice?" Kennedy bit back a laugh of her own. It was hard to imagine the tall stranger reading the gothic novel. Wasn't society's current obsession with vampires limited to the female population? Not that she was judging. He just didn't seem to be the type. Leather jacket, jeans, classic sports car, and eyes that reminded her of James Dean. Shouldn't he be more into rock and roll and motorcycles than vampires? To be fair, she wasn't sure what his type was though. She didn't even know the guy's name. "Well, it's not in this section of the library, obviously." She pointed above her head to the sign that read 'History'. "But, yeah, I'm pretty sure we have a copy. If I'm right, it's over in the gothic literature section. I can help you find it if you want?"

He nodded. "Yes, please." A tilt of his head and a small smile, he extended his hand out. "I'm Damon, by the way."

"Kennedy," she replied, shaking his hand with a small smile of her own. At least now, she finally had a name for the peculiar stranger. Was he new to town? She had never seen him before Monday.

"I know. You told me yesterday—when you tripped outside."

"Right." She nodded, biting her lip. She let the air fill with quiet tension for a few seconds before hooking her thumb in the direction of the gothic literature section. "Follow me." She didn't wait to see if he was behind her as she began walking, leaving behind the cart still filled with books needing to be re-shelved. When she reached the bookshelf, her index finger danced across the spines of each book before finally seeing Rice, A. tapped to the bottom of one paperback. She plucked it off the shelf and handed it to Damon. "Here you go—one copy of The Vampire Chronicles. Much better story than Twilight if you ask me, but don't tell my friends I said that. I'd be shunned."

Another laugh and Damon nodded again. "Thanks. Can you check it out for me?"

She shook her head, teeth digging into her lip again. She really needed to get back to restocking the bookshelves, and although Damon was being very polite, there was still something…off about him, something she couldn't put her finger on. "Actually, that's more Mrs. Karp's job. If you go downstairs to the front desk, she can help you there. I've got some books that need putting away."

"Okay, well, it was nice seeing you, Kennedy." His blue eyes raked over her again, like he was afraid this would be the last time he'd see her and he needed to memorize the image. She felt a shiver go down her spine.

"…You too." She tried to avoid his gaze. Her fingers twitched, and she glanced back at the bookcase—Dracula, Frankenstein, Wuthering Heights, and a collection of Edgar Allen Poe stories. When she looked back up, Damon was nowhere to be seen.

"If he wasn't so hot, he'd be weird," Kennedy muttered and pulled her phone back out of her pocket. At least now, she could get back to work.

"Well, I was talking to Grams, and she said the comet is a sign of impending doom. The last time it passed over Mystic Falls, there was a lot of death. So much blood and carnage, it created a bed of paranormal activity," Bonnie explained, and Kennedy watched as the girl folded another flier in half. How they always got dragged into helping out with the town's events and celebrations, Kennedy wasn't sure, but at least she could put it down under the volunteer section of her college resumes.

Caroline scoffed, taking a large sip of her lemonade before setting her glass back onto the table. The sun was bright overhead, warming up the girls' skin as they sat and chatted over drinks. "Yeah, and then you poured Grams another shot, and she told you about the aliens." The blonde turned to Elena, a glint of mischief in her blue eyes, and propped her elbow under her chin. "So, then what?"

Rolling her eyes, Elena shrugged. "So, then nothing."

"You and Stefan talked all night?" Caroline continued, and Kennedy noticed Elena's eyes fall down to the pamphlets in her hand, clearly trying to avoid the blonde's probing gaze. "There was no sloppy first kiss or touchy feely of any kind?"

"Care, there doesn't always have to be something touchy feely on the first night," Kennedy interjected. Caroline always did this. As soon as she got wind that one of them was becoming entangled in anything that even slightly resembled a relationship, or even a fling, she pounced, ready for details to spill from her friend's lips like juice from the first bite of a pomegranate.

The blonde rolled her eyes. "How would you know? You've never even had a boyfriend."

Huffing, Kennedy folded her arms but said nothing in response. She was right. The senior had never had a boyfriend. There had been a sloppy kiss or two behind the bleachers and a lingering gaze or so from a few guys at one of the college parties she and Oliver had snuck out to, but nothing more than that, which usually meant that her opinion when it came to relationship advice got ignored.

Elena, however, continued to answer as she folded yet another flier. "No, Caroline. We didn't go there."

"Not even a handshake? I mean, Elena, we are your friends." The blonde gestured between the four of them, eyebrows raised. "Okay? You are supposed to share the smut."

It was Kennedy's turn to scoff, biting back a laugh at Caroline's choice of words. "Smut? Really? What is this? Fanfiction? A cheesy romance novel our moms have hidden in their dresser drawer?"

"Really, Caroline. We just talked for hours." Elena shook her head as she shrugged, but Caroline wasn't take no as an answer.

"Ok, what is with the blockage? Just jump his bones already!" Kennedy's eyes widened at the blonde's words, and she watched the same look of surprise cross Bonnie's face. Despite knowing exactly what their friend had been hinting at the entire conversation, neither had expected her blunt reaction. Maybe it was because nothing was happening in the love department for anyone else at the moment, but in Kennedy's opinion, Caroline was being rather overzealous about insisting Elena get it on with Stefan so quickly. "Okay, it's easy. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, sex!"

Straight face as always, Elena just shook her head; although, Kennedy caught a slight smirk cross the younger brunette's features. "Profound."

Meanwhile, Kennedy furrowed her eyebrows, mouth slightly agape. "That's not how—S'not even remotely how that—" she spluttered before sighing. "Just let her figure out how she feels her own way and at her own pace, Care. Not all of us are as sex positive as you are." Her brown eyes trailed back to Elena, who now looked more conflicted than before. A few seconds later, the younger brunette stood up, and Kennedy knew her defense had been unnecessary.

Bonnie at least had the decency to appear shocked. "Where are you going?"

Shrugging, Elena explained. "Caroline's right. It is easy. If I sit here long enough, I'll end up talking myself out of it instead of doing what I started the day saying what I was going to do." She grabbed her bag and walked off, leaving the three other girls staring at the now empty chair in front of them.

It was a minute later when Kennedy broke the silence: "So…impending doom, blood, and carnage? Is the comet going to turn Mystic Falls into the Twilight Zone?" Three small cheeky grins and laughter followed before the girls continued folding fliers.